Rich Goranski (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
firewalled) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
aefenglom2019-09-01 02:55 pm
firewalled) wrote in aefenglom2019-09-01 02:55 pm
001 | Video
Name: Rich Goranski
Date: September 2
Format: Video
[The face that fills the screen is notable for a lot of reasons. For those who haven't met Rich, the harsh red scars covering his face, neck, and shoulders are certainly different. Scales are starting to pepper the skin like freckles, but it still doesn't do much to hide the damage. Nor does it distract from how emotional Rich looks. As much as he tries to keep his expression even, there's tension in his jaw, a slight furrow in his brow, and his eyes look slightly red.
He offers a weak smile and a wave to the camera, before taking a deep breath in and out. Apparently this is going to be difficult for him.]
Hey everyone. If you don't know me, I'm Rich Goranski. I got here last month, so... yeah. Anyways, I'm not here to break the ice or anything. I... need to tell everyone about some stuff, and I've been kind of meaning to do this for days and I just didn't know how. Anyways. I just wanted to warn you.
There's this guy you might have met. Looks like some handsome Japanese model, and he's got two different coloured eyes? I can send a picture if you don't know what I'm talking about. He's called the SQUIP. Or well, I don't know if that's what it calls itself here. It fucking introduced itself as Gregward to me, but... I think that's because we have a history. We're from the same place, and if what he did to me and my friends is any indication, he's probably going to really hurt someone here. He's already got his claws in some people and I just... don't want anyone else to go through that.
[He takes a moment to nibble on his lip and then look back at the camera, as if he's found some new source of bravery.]
Back home, the SQUIP -uh, Super Quantum Unit Intel... Processor- [He counts them off on his fingers as he attempts to remember the acronym.] It wasn't human. It was actually this pill sized supercomputer that you could take? It'd get up into your head and implant in your brain and then it was... basically supposed to help make you cooler. Or at least, that's what they said when I bought one. I got one back as a freshman and I... I mean, I guess it's kind of obvious that it fucked me up.
It doesn't really have any concerns about hurting people to get what it wants. It'd electrocute me if I didn't do or say the right thing. It put me on this really messed up work out plan and I built up way too much muscle way too quickly. I've got a bunch of stretch marks to prove it. And if you argued with it long enough, it wasn't afraid to just... take over your whole body. The last few months I had the thing, I wasn't even ever myself anymore... I just had to watch myself do all this shit that I'd never, ever want to do. Like selling them to other kids.
And it could get in your head. It would take away senses or give you weird hallucinations to make sure you didn't think about resisting. A friend of mine... Jeremy, he actually had his best friend erased from his vision so he couldn't even see him? I think he called it optic nerve blocking.
It finds other ways to manipulate you too. It's really charming at first, and it knows how to find and pick at every little insecurity you have. It'll use anything. Any memory, any good thought... I uh. When it wanted me to listen, it would take on the appearance of my mom. I hadn't seen her since I was little and I didn't want to lose that again. Even if she was saying things she'd never say... I couldn't make her hurt again.
[His voice cracks on the last few words, and he tries to cover it up by clearing his throat, taking a deep breath again.]
Anyways, its main goal wasn't actually to help us, if that wasn't obvious. It made me stock up on a bunch of the pills to try to slip them into everyone's drinks. It got Jeremy on board when I... uh, ducked out, to put it nicely.
It just wanted to spread to as many people as possible. It was trying to make this like, hivemind sort of thing. Called it a social network. Where no one had to hurt anymore. But it... it fucked with people until they don't know who they are anymore. Jeremy's SQUIP - I think that's the one that's here right now - it synced with me, and it made me go from being annoyed by Jeremy to just completely being his best friend. I couldn't think anything negative about him. And it did the same to a bunch of other people. It erased everything about them... practically made them zombies. I'm lucky there was someone who knew how to get rid of them. I... eventually tried burning mine out, but it didn't go as planned.
Anyways, the important thing is that the SQUIP is dangerous. There isn't a single person in my world who had a good experience with one, and even if it can't implant in people's brains now, it's still trying to hurt them. There's this guy he's hanging around with that he must have adopted as some new fucking project. And in that weird dream world, with that whole... monsters being slaves thing? It bought me. Me and one of my friends here, Connor. It tried to act like it wasn't going to do anything but it kept giving me orders and tried to get me to hide the truth from Connor. And then I don't know what it did to him... I think it must have cast some spell on him or something to make him agree more. It's a manipulative, abusive asshole. And I don't want it getting to anyone here... so that's why I had to tell everyone all this.
[He tries for a smile again, but it's too forced. He can feel a lump in his throat that signals to him he'd better end this fast.]
Anyways, that's about all I've gotta say. If you have any questions, let me know. I've got the receipts, I guess you'd call it. That's what they call 'em when you call someone out, right? Whatever. Thanks for listening. Hopefully next time I won't be such a fucking downer.
And uh, if there're any witches who're listening and know spells to like... conjure up something? Let me know. I might need a little favour.
[Rich gives a salute and ends the recording. His responses may be slow, but he just needs a minute to breathe normally again.]
Date: September 2
Format: Video
[The face that fills the screen is notable for a lot of reasons. For those who haven't met Rich, the harsh red scars covering his face, neck, and shoulders are certainly different. Scales are starting to pepper the skin like freckles, but it still doesn't do much to hide the damage. Nor does it distract from how emotional Rich looks. As much as he tries to keep his expression even, there's tension in his jaw, a slight furrow in his brow, and his eyes look slightly red.
He offers a weak smile and a wave to the camera, before taking a deep breath in and out. Apparently this is going to be difficult for him.]
Hey everyone. If you don't know me, I'm Rich Goranski. I got here last month, so... yeah. Anyways, I'm not here to break the ice or anything. I... need to tell everyone about some stuff, and I've been kind of meaning to do this for days and I just didn't know how. Anyways. I just wanted to warn you.
There's this guy you might have met. Looks like some handsome Japanese model, and he's got two different coloured eyes? I can send a picture if you don't know what I'm talking about. He's called the SQUIP. Or well, I don't know if that's what it calls itself here. It fucking introduced itself as Gregward to me, but... I think that's because we have a history. We're from the same place, and if what he did to me and my friends is any indication, he's probably going to really hurt someone here. He's already got his claws in some people and I just... don't want anyone else to go through that.
[He takes a moment to nibble on his lip and then look back at the camera, as if he's found some new source of bravery.]
Back home, the SQUIP -uh, Super Quantum Unit Intel... Processor- [He counts them off on his fingers as he attempts to remember the acronym.] It wasn't human. It was actually this pill sized supercomputer that you could take? It'd get up into your head and implant in your brain and then it was... basically supposed to help make you cooler. Or at least, that's what they said when I bought one. I got one back as a freshman and I... I mean, I guess it's kind of obvious that it fucked me up.
It doesn't really have any concerns about hurting people to get what it wants. It'd electrocute me if I didn't do or say the right thing. It put me on this really messed up work out plan and I built up way too much muscle way too quickly. I've got a bunch of stretch marks to prove it. And if you argued with it long enough, it wasn't afraid to just... take over your whole body. The last few months I had the thing, I wasn't even ever myself anymore... I just had to watch myself do all this shit that I'd never, ever want to do. Like selling them to other kids.
And it could get in your head. It would take away senses or give you weird hallucinations to make sure you didn't think about resisting. A friend of mine... Jeremy, he actually had his best friend erased from his vision so he couldn't even see him? I think he called it optic nerve blocking.
It finds other ways to manipulate you too. It's really charming at first, and it knows how to find and pick at every little insecurity you have. It'll use anything. Any memory, any good thought... I uh. When it wanted me to listen, it would take on the appearance of my mom. I hadn't seen her since I was little and I didn't want to lose that again. Even if she was saying things she'd never say... I couldn't make her hurt again.
[His voice cracks on the last few words, and he tries to cover it up by clearing his throat, taking a deep breath again.]
Anyways, its main goal wasn't actually to help us, if that wasn't obvious. It made me stock up on a bunch of the pills to try to slip them into everyone's drinks. It got Jeremy on board when I... uh, ducked out, to put it nicely.
It just wanted to spread to as many people as possible. It was trying to make this like, hivemind sort of thing. Called it a social network. Where no one had to hurt anymore. But it... it fucked with people until they don't know who they are anymore. Jeremy's SQUIP - I think that's the one that's here right now - it synced with me, and it made me go from being annoyed by Jeremy to just completely being his best friend. I couldn't think anything negative about him. And it did the same to a bunch of other people. It erased everything about them... practically made them zombies. I'm lucky there was someone who knew how to get rid of them. I... eventually tried burning mine out, but it didn't go as planned.
Anyways, the important thing is that the SQUIP is dangerous. There isn't a single person in my world who had a good experience with one, and even if it can't implant in people's brains now, it's still trying to hurt them. There's this guy he's hanging around with that he must have adopted as some new fucking project. And in that weird dream world, with that whole... monsters being slaves thing? It bought me. Me and one of my friends here, Connor. It tried to act like it wasn't going to do anything but it kept giving me orders and tried to get me to hide the truth from Connor. And then I don't know what it did to him... I think it must have cast some spell on him or something to make him agree more. It's a manipulative, abusive asshole. And I don't want it getting to anyone here... so that's why I had to tell everyone all this.
[He tries for a smile again, but it's too forced. He can feel a lump in his throat that signals to him he'd better end this fast.]
Anyways, that's about all I've gotta say. If you have any questions, let me know. I've got the receipts, I guess you'd call it. That's what they call 'em when you call someone out, right? Whatever. Thanks for listening. Hopefully next time I won't be such a fucking downer.
And uh, if there're any witches who're listening and know spells to like... conjure up something? Let me know. I might need a little favour.
[Rich gives a salute and ends the recording. His responses may be slow, but he just needs a minute to breathe normally again.]
no subject
At least Justine doesn't let her sympathy get in the way.]
You already help a lot.
[He finds heat rushing up into his cheeks at her comment, and he stammers a bit, indignant, before something seems to change, and he sighs softly.]
...Thanks for saying that. I don't... usually think of myself as handsome. Not with the scars. I mean, I guess the scales are covering them up...
no subject
That's good. I like helping.
[The pad of her finger lightly traces the pattern of the scales.]
I saw some of the scars. Where were they from?
If you don't mind talking about it.
[Justine's happy that he's comfortable laying in her lap like this.]
no subject
It's... okay. I kind of mentioned it in that video, but I'm not surprised you missed it.
[He looks down at his hands, instead of anywhere near her, keeping a close eye on his talons.]
...I guess, um. There's two versions that are both true.
One version is that when the SQUIP was trying to make me dose everyone at a Halloween party so it could start up its hivemind, I knew I had to stop it any way I could. When I ran out of options, I tried burning it out of me.
The second version is just... I guess long story short, I wanted to kill myself.
[He curls his fingers in to look over his long nails. He laughs softly, though he isn't sure what's funny. That intense compulsion to run away is taking over again, and he does stand then, turned away from Justine, like he's considering his escape route.]
no subject
How could she be so stupid?]
Rich... [She reaches for him as he stands but he is quickly out of her reach and she's too weak to follow. Justine silently chastises herself, her own worry and pain knotting uncomfortably in her chest.] I'm sorry.
[Justine rises but moves too fast and wavers, reaching for the bench post to keep her from collapsing to the ground.]
Please don't go-
[If he ran, she'd likely pass out trying to catch him.]
no subject
No... no, it's okay. It's fine. I'm not going to go.
[He turns back to her, though he's not as close as he was before.]
I mean, it's fine. It doesn't bother me. Thought it might... freak you out, is all.
no subject
[She smiles weakly and slowly reaches for his hand.]
We are friends, aren't we? You can tell me anything Rich.
I want to be here for you.
[Even if it's hard for her, she wants to try.]
no subject
[He squeezes her hand, sighs a bit shakily.]
When I did it... when I burned myself, I thought that was it. I thought that I would die. People would think I was some sort of martyr... or just think I was crazy. Didn't really care.
When I woke up in the hospital, I was... scared. More scared than I was of dying, because this meant that I had to actually work to figure out who I was, and to make up for all the things I used to be when I was SQUIPped.
The only thing I could really think about myself was that... that I was too chicken shit to actually off myself the right way.
no subject
I have wanted to die so maybe it's just that I understand. It took someone else for me to see the value in my own life again, just as I see the value in yours.
Give me time and I will help you see it too.
You aren't alone Rich and it's okay to be scared.
[Life is a scary place.]
no subject
[He doesn't, though. Unless it's value only in the ability he had to sacrifice himself, but he failed at that. Still, he doesn't want to admit it to her, when she's already so weak and afraid.]
I don't know. I know I'm not alone, but it's hard to be scared and not feel weak and pathetic... feel like people deserve better than me.
no subject
I know what that feels like. I wish I was stronger, that I could be-... that i could be strong. I'm not. I am weak and I am pretty. That is all there is too it.
I can be used but people... those I care about deserve someone who is better than what I am. More in ways that I am not. [She keeps her hand in his, her thumb stroking gently against the back of his hand as she curls her legs to her chest. Her robe shifts, revealing a long slender leg.]
I wish I could offer you more Rich. I wish I could take your pain away.
I wish I wasn't broken like I am.
no subject
[If she was hiding every true emotion she ever had... like Rich had when he was under the SQUIP's influence, then maybe she would be weak. But that's not at all what's happening. He turns towards her, shifting so he's sitting up closer to her.]
You don't have to be not broken, okay? All I want... Is just for you to be you. I...
[He wants to say so much more, but he's afraid it's not going to help at all.]
no subject
[She gently turns over his hand and runs the pad of her finger along his palm.]
I promise to be me. Thank you, for believing in me Rich.
[Justine looks up at him and smiles. She's weak and the smile doesn't quiet reach her gaze but she's trying her best and she feels stronger now. No matter what, Justine truly trusts that Rich will be there.]
no subject
[He's very used to thinking about strength as something that can only manifest in one certain way, thanks to the SQUIP. He knows he needs to be better with that, though. He knows that what the SQUIP promised him wasn't strong at all, when he had lived his life miserable and afraid.
Rich doesn't know how to say that, or how to explain to Justine that everyone should believe in her. Instead, he just reaches out to wrap his arms around her, to hold her close and offer whatever power he has that exists within him, anything more true and real than what his muscular arms suggest.]
no subject
Her arms warp around his center and she lightly nuzzles her face against the curve of his neck. She picks up the faint scent of embers and the musk that she's found to belong to Rich and no one else. It makes her smile a little deeper, feeling the lightness of him being here lift her spirits in a way that it hasn't in days.]
Why don't you come in for some tea or hot chocolate? We don't have to talk about this anymore.
[She wants him to stay, if only for a little while.]
no subject
[It sounds like a good way for him to relax, calm down, and talk about something better. Something that keeps that smile on her face. So he'll follow wherever she leads him, and stay with her as long as he can.]