[End the conversation. It's stupidity to keep standing here, to speak to L when he knows he's so open and vulnerable, made to be spread bare by his own hands. Unlike so many other killers, Light Yagami never wanted to be caught. Risks are only taken when they're needed, and only when they can be measured and calculated. No plan can be completely blind. The sheer danger that exists right now...
But what can L do? It's arrogance, which has always been his biggest flaw. At the very least, if this is a mistake, he'll blame pride, but there's a deeper truth, a current that runs strong but normally hidden. Light stays because he's curious. Sincerely, genuinely curious as to what would happen if this thing with L is fostered instead of muffled. ]
I want intelligence.
[ A confirmation that L hardly needs. Without his memories, it was painfully obvious how little interest he held in Misa. In spite of her beauty and natural charisma, Light didn't care. Even then, it would have been a waste of time. That Light knew he'd marry and one day have children, would join the police force and play the kind of role a husband and father should because family men were respected. By extension, that woman would have to be respected as well. Misa was wanted and loved by many, but she was just as often dismissed. Takada better fit the role, but he loved her no more than he loved Misa.
So, he'd never wanted. Light never knew want for another person. So few people managed to engage him and if he wasn't engaged, how could he feel attraction? It was in the battle with L that life stopped being so easy and required him to be fully present and always at his best. Maybe it's fitting that it's now with L that he feels something else, something he hasn't fully examined. The lack of examination is what gives him pause now. The emotion isn't new, but it suddenly has focus. ]
I've always known what I want. Now, right now, I don't.
[ I want to kiss you.
I want distance.
I want something more to come from the confession so I'm not waiting for it to come later.
I want to kiss you. ]
No, I do. But I don't know which thing I want more.
no subject
But what can L do? It's arrogance, which has always been his biggest flaw. At the very least, if this is a mistake, he'll blame pride, but there's a deeper truth, a current that runs strong but normally hidden. Light stays because he's curious. Sincerely, genuinely curious as to what would happen if this thing with L is fostered instead of muffled. ]
I want intelligence.
[ A confirmation that L hardly needs. Without his memories, it was painfully obvious how little interest he held in Misa. In spite of her beauty and natural charisma, Light didn't care. Even then, it would have been a waste of time. That Light knew he'd marry and one day have children, would join the police force and play the kind of role a husband and father should because family men were respected. By extension, that woman would have to be respected as well. Misa was wanted and loved by many, but she was just as often dismissed. Takada better fit the role, but he loved her no more than he loved Misa.
So, he'd never wanted. Light never knew want for another person. So few people managed to engage him and if he wasn't engaged, how could he feel attraction? It was in the battle with L that life stopped being so easy and required him to be fully present and always at his best. Maybe it's fitting that it's now with L that he feels something else, something he hasn't fully examined. The lack of examination is what gives him pause now. The emotion isn't new, but it suddenly has focus. ]
I've always known what I want. Now, right now, I don't.
[ I want to kiss you.
I want distance.
I want something more to come from the confession so I'm not waiting for it to come later.
I want to kiss you. ]
No, I do. But I don't know which thing I want more.