video, un: wwxwashere

[weiward]

Name: Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji
Date: 4/24
Format: Video

[the feed starts with one wei wuxian, chin resting on his forearm as he looks at two white winged bunnies in the foreground. the adorable creatures appear to be resting together, with one having a very noticeable and very round belly.]

Does anyone know anything about bunnies? Like about their health. I’m worried about Suibian.

[suibian would be the "chubby" one. wei wuxian frowns as he rubs one finger between the bunny’s ears, which earns a furious grooming from the other one after he's done.]

He’s gained a lot of weight since Lan Zhan and I brought him home, and he’s been really tired lately. And on top of everything, now he has tiny bunnies coming out of him-

[wait. he lifts his head suddenly, and though it’s not apparent to the camera, that’s exactly what's happening. ]

Aa- Why are there tiny bunnies coming out of him! Lan Zhan, what’s happening!

( lan wangji is used to this, wei wuxian’s odd theatrics. it’s the main reason why he remains mostly undisturbed in the background, perusing the pages of an old manuscript. he doesn’t move, barely blinks. it’s the change in his bonded’s tone that alerts him, not quite hysterical but kind of, and he lifts his head and his lips part in mild surprise, a very faint, lopsided curl. )

Suibian is in labor. ( and his face brightens, book closing in a dusty thud. )

Labor? [ the word is repeated, its meaning dawning on him a moment later with wide eyes. wei wuxian jumps up, apparently forgetting that he’d been in the middle of asking the whole of aefenglom for help. ] But how? Lan Zhan! Do you think that could happen to me??

[he’s a puca, after all.]

( please someone tell him how babies are made, just to be on the safe side. you never know with him, and lan wangji closes the distance between them, slightly leaning against him as though wei wuxian’s space was made for him. he silently counts the tiny creatures (ten), and then he tilts his head, peers at his bonded, unshakable patience in his tone. ) Wei Ying. ( suibian isn’t a boy, and the feed cuts as lan wangji readies himself to tell the story of the birds and the bees, probably. )

(wei wuxian, lan wangji, either/both may respond!)

Comments

video; un: zewu-jun

[zewu_jun]

Oh. Congratulations.

[Well, Wei Wuxian is having a panic attack, but otherwise this seems like a happy occasion.]

voice; un: nie mingjue

[chifeng_zun]

[This is the closest to amusement Chifeng-zun's voice ever gets.] What do they teach children in Yunmeng? [Certainly not how to determine the sex of animals, apparently.]

[weiward]

Zewu-jun!

[at least wei wuxian looks happy by the time he pops back up again...quicker than might be expected given what everyone just saw. but what are shame and humiliation, he doesn't know them.]

You should see Lan Zhan's face! He's completely in love with them!

voice;

[weiward]

It depends. They taught the boys swordsmanship, archery, fishing, swimming.

But everything about babies was left to the mothers and grandmothers.

[chifeng_zun]

So you really never learned to tell male and female animals apart. [From what he knows of the Violet Spider he's going to assume the 'where human babies come from' talk never happened and he's not touching that with a ten foot guandao.]

I suppose you know now.

[weiward]

I never gave it much thought.

[he knew that some were male and some were female...he did! as for the human aspect, he heard things, he saw some picture books, but all of that was still somewhat surface-level before lan zhan.]

Uh...yeah, that was an experience. I didn't know they were making babies, I thought they were just humping around!

[oh, that reminds him:]

Chifeng-zun, I have a favor to ask of you.

[zewu_jun]

Are you going to raise them all? That is quite a big family.

[Aren't you kids young to have so many children already? Can they support them all?]

Will they have enough to eat?

video, un: momo-chan~♥

[yesdoubt]

[On one hand, rabbits are adorable and more rabbits is clearly a good thing. On the other, Momo is clearly struggling not to laugh when he responds to the video, one vivid pink-nailed hand curled over his mouth.]

I really hope, for the sake of every puca, that the transformation doesn't give you what you'd need to be firing off baby rabbits like that. Though now that I think about it, if we've got any seahorse merrow guys then maybe they should be worried.

[Suddenly growing an egg pouch sounds like a time.] Anyway, I guess you're proper parents now, so should Momo-chan give you some parenting advice?

[chifeng_zun]

[It's a shame this is voice and Wei Wuxian can't see Nie Mingjue's eyebrows lifting. And lifting.] You'll be overrun if you keep letting them 'hump around'.

[But here he pauses. Tone taking on a little more refinement, a little more of that Sect Leader authority,] You may ask. [He can't promise anything until he knows what it is, but he's willing to hear him out.] What is the favor?

[weiward]

[he grimaces a little at that question. it's a realization that dawned on wei wuxian with every emerging baby.

but catch a glimpse of lan zhan's delighted face.]

We'll manage somehow. We do have some yard space in the back. [a sly look crosses his face.] Aaand they do have a very helpful and generous uncle.

[weiward]

[he's laughing awkwardly at himself when his face pops back into the video.]

Ah...yeah. About that.

[wei wuxian rubs his head, pausing to think for a moment. that's a good point about seahorse merrows though! growing up where he did, he knows a bit more about the aquatic creatures.

anyway.]

I think I was just in shock. I really didn't know Suibian was a girl!

[it's hard to tell sometimes, and he never really looked! seemed rude.]

But Momo...are you a parent?

[weiward]

Yeah...I'm not sure how we're going to stop them.

[it's something to be concerned about. neither of them would allow the pair to be separated. but ten bunnies will soon turn to twenty, then to forty, and while lan wangji is probably of the mind that one can never have too many bunnies- they need to think of something.

but right now, other matters take precedence.]

I'm not sure how much you've heard, or noticed, but I think you'd prefer being told directly. Lan Zhan and I are more than Bonded. We're going to be cultivational partners...for life. Marriage.

And I want to do it properly, even if it's the only thing that I've ever done properly in my entire life. Because it's Lan Zhan, and he deserves nothing less. But...as you know, I don't have family here. It presents problems.

[chifeng_zun]

[Somehow he's not sure the suggestion to castrate the males will go over well so he'll just keep that solution to himself. Apparently Wei Wuxian isn't that concerned about it because he segues into something else.

Oh boy.] At least this time you aren't asking me to dismember you. [He really needs to stop letting Wei Wuxian ask him favors.] Truthfully I hazarded a guess at the nature of your relationship from when you messaged me while drunk. [You don't ask to get dismembered for a guy you're just buddies with. He hadn't asked further, didn't want the details, but... Apparently now he's getting them.

Nie Mingjue is not a man who cares overly much about what other people do, romantically. It isn't a practical worry to have. He was raised with enough grace to say,] Congratulations. [-and move on.] I am glad to hear you wish to treat Wangji properly.

But what exactly are you asking from me?

[zewu_jun]

[It should be concerning that Wei Wuxian is looking for donations, but Lan Xichen is just pleased to be called an uncle, even indirectly.]

I will bring you vegetables when I pay a visit. Do you have names picked out yet?

[yesdoubt]

I guess if you've never kept rabbits before, it might've been kind of hard to tell. [Momo shrugs, like it can't be helped. He knows what his petalwolves are, but dogs are kind of blatant in terms of what gender they are if you take a glance in the right place.

As it is, he puts his hands to his chest a bit dramatically at that question.] Well, not by blood...but Yuki and I treat all our juniors like our kids. It's like having a big happy family!

[He makes a hugging motion as if encircling a large number of people, ignoring that many of his "kids" would either protest or die of embarrassment at that kind of treatment. Senpai rights get him a lot of leeway back home.]

Video; un: photo.omi

[pastregrets]

[Well...how about that. The miracle of life. Omi smiles and watches for a bit, then seems to snap out of it with a little laugh.]

Well, I guess your household is getting a little more lively, now! Also, I ah... don't think that bunny is a boy...

un: ma - voice

[stopfen]

Cute...[Quiet enough that there was some doubt as to if she meant to say that out loud or not. You have gained the attention of one fae, one that likes to dote on small cute things.

A small part of her wanted to say something bad, but cute, but...]

Rabbit stew is nice. If you use the male you won't get more.

[Then the mama can stay with the babs. A solution that was both horrible but allowed some cute to remain.]

[weiward]

[yeah, he's really grateful that nie mingjue didn't entertain his dismemberment request any more than he did. hopefully this request will go down a little smoother.]

I don't have anyone to offer betrothal gifts to Zewu-jun on my behalf. And it would be a disgrace to present them myself. So I was wondering if you might...consider me as a temporary member of your clan. A sort of stand-in father figure to help me with all the necessary rituals.

...Chifeng-zun, I know this is voice and you can't see me, but I'm kneeling as I ask you this. Please consider me as your son until I'm officially married.

[chifeng_zun]

[At least he isn't drunk while he's asking it. Not that it takes away the surprise any when Wei Wuxian lays it out what he actually wants Nie Mingjue to do. Offer the betrothal gifts on his behalf, stand in for his parent.

There is at least a good few minutes of silence on the other end while he processes the request. He sounds sincere, for the rambunctious Wei Wuxian, and that is enough to give Nie Mingjue pause before he flat out denies it.]

It means so much to you that you would ask me to do this? [His tone is cautious, searching, almost lacking in the usual stern authority. If this is a joke... But he isn't sure it is.] There is no one closer to you to assist you with the usual traditions?

[It isn't a no. Just because marriage was never a possibility for him doesn't mean he hates the concept of it. And he has some respect for Wei Wuxian, wanting to do things right for Lan Wangji.]

un: wangxian | voice

[taciturnly]

( HOW DARE YOU SAY CUTE AND THEN SUGGEST THEY EAT THEM IN (ALMOST) THE SAME SENTENCE???? lan wangji will love and protect them with his life, positively horrified now, which transpires in the clipped, unequivocal tone of his voice. )

No stew.

[weiward]

It's because it means so much that I'm asking you. You're a sect leader, and someone trustworthy.

[someone who'll take it seriously. for all that wei wuxian is...well, a gremlin at times (he understands why he needed a few minutes to think it over. really, he does.). but he feels more serious about this than about anything he's ever done in his life.]

I swear I won't do anything to tarnish your name either. I'll learn the Nie clan rules. I'll carry a saber. I just want to give him what he deserves for standing beside me.

[one thing honorable. one thing that follows all the rules. one thing that no one can look down on.]

[chifeng_zun]

[Perhaps, selfishly, that acknowledgement of his former status in life is a balm. He's been living with the knowledge that he is a dead man, a fierce corpse so full of resentment he had to be sealed away with his murderer. Still, that isn't why he comes to the decision he settles on.]

I will assist you. [He agrees because it's right, because Wei Wuxian is trying to do the right thing for a young man that Nie Mingjue respects. He can certainly not look down on such determination or deny such an honest request.

(And maybe, in the back of his head, he remembers a conversation in the caverns, being struck with the thought that perhaps their sorry situations held a note of similarity. At least this young man has the chance to find happiness now.)] I am glad to see that you wish to do the honorable thing by Wangji. He deserves as much.

I will do my best. You have my word.

[fuckingpassw0rd]

Uh did no one give you the whole shit about the bird and the bees? Rabbits are pretty big breeders, we used to raise a few of 'em when I was a kid.

[For food :D]

[stopfen]

[It was the practical option for keeping as many buns but without gaining more.]

Are you trying to get more then? Because that's whats going to happen if you don't get one of the adults.

[And you couldn't exactly separate mom from the newborns.]

[weiward]

[he saw an angle and he went for it.]

Not unless Lan Zhan has them already picked out in his head. [which...looking at him right now, he just might.] Do you have any in mind?