video, un: wwxwashere

[weiward]

Name: Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji
Date: 4/24
Format: Video

[the feed starts with one wei wuxian, chin resting on his forearm as he looks at two white winged bunnies in the foreground. the adorable creatures appear to be resting together, with one having a very noticeable and very round belly.]

Does anyone know anything about bunnies? Like about their health. I’m worried about Suibian.

[suibian would be the "chubby" one. wei wuxian frowns as he rubs one finger between the bunny’s ears, which earns a furious grooming from the other one after he's done.]

He’s gained a lot of weight since Lan Zhan and I brought him home, and he’s been really tired lately. And on top of everything, now he has tiny bunnies coming out of him-

[wait. he lifts his head suddenly, and though it’s not apparent to the camera, that’s exactly what's happening. ]

Aa- Why are there tiny bunnies coming out of him! Lan Zhan, what’s happening!

( lan wangji is used to this, wei wuxian’s odd theatrics. it’s the main reason why he remains mostly undisturbed in the background, perusing the pages of an old manuscript. he doesn’t move, barely blinks. it’s the change in his bonded’s tone that alerts him, not quite hysterical but kind of, and he lifts his head and his lips part in mild surprise, a very faint, lopsided curl. )

Suibian is in labor. ( and his face brightens, book closing in a dusty thud. )

Labor? [ the word is repeated, its meaning dawning on him a moment later with wide eyes. wei wuxian jumps up, apparently forgetting that he’d been in the middle of asking the whole of aefenglom for help. ] But how? Lan Zhan! Do you think that could happen to me??

[he’s a puca, after all.]

( please someone tell him how babies are made, just to be on the safe side. you never know with him, and lan wangji closes the distance between them, slightly leaning against him as though wei wuxian’s space was made for him. he silently counts the tiny creatures (ten), and then he tilts his head, peers at his bonded, unshakable patience in his tone. ) Wei Ying. ( suibian isn’t a boy, and the feed cuts as lan wangji readies himself to tell the story of the birds and the bees, probably. )

(wei wuxian, lan wangji, either/both may respond!)

Comments

video; un: zewu-jun

[zewu_jun]

Oh. Congratulations.

[Well, Wei Wuxian is having a panic attack, but otherwise this seems like a happy occasion.]

[weiward]

Zewu-jun!

[at least wei wuxian looks happy by the time he pops back up again...quicker than might be expected given what everyone just saw. but what are shame and humiliation, he doesn't know them.]

You should see Lan Zhan's face! He's completely in love with them!

[zewu_jun]

Are you going to raise them all? That is quite a big family.

[Aren't you kids young to have so many children already? Can they support them all?]

Will they have enough to eat?

[weiward]

[he grimaces a little at that question. it's a realization that dawned on wei wuxian with every emerging baby.

but catch a glimpse of lan zhan's delighted face.]

We'll manage somehow. We do have some yard space in the back. [a sly look crosses his face.] Aaand they do have a very helpful and generous uncle.

voice; un: nie mingjue

[chifeng_zun]

[This is the closest to amusement Chifeng-zun's voice ever gets.] What do they teach children in Yunmeng? [Certainly not how to determine the sex of animals, apparently.]

voice;

[weiward]

It depends. They taught the boys swordsmanship, archery, fishing, swimming.

But everything about babies was left to the mothers and grandmothers.

[chifeng_zun]

So you really never learned to tell male and female animals apart. [From what he knows of the Violet Spider he's going to assume the 'where human babies come from' talk never happened and he's not touching that with a ten foot guandao.]

I suppose you know now.

[weiward]

I never gave it much thought.

[he knew that some were male and some were female...he did! as for the human aspect, he heard things, he saw some picture books, but all of that was still somewhat surface-level before lan zhan.]

Uh...yeah, that was an experience. I didn't know they were making babies, I thought they were just humping around!

[oh, that reminds him:]

Chifeng-zun, I have a favor to ask of you.

video, un: momo-chan~♥

[yesdoubt]

[On one hand, rabbits are adorable and more rabbits is clearly a good thing. On the other, Momo is clearly struggling not to laugh when he responds to the video, one vivid pink-nailed hand curled over his mouth.]

I really hope, for the sake of every puca, that the transformation doesn't give you what you'd need to be firing off baby rabbits like that. Though now that I think about it, if we've got any seahorse merrow guys then maybe they should be worried.

[Suddenly growing an egg pouch sounds like a time.] Anyway, I guess you're proper parents now, so should Momo-chan give you some parenting advice?

[weiward]

[he's laughing awkwardly at himself when his face pops back into the video.]

Ah...yeah. About that.

[wei wuxian rubs his head, pausing to think for a moment. that's a good point about seahorse merrows though! growing up where he did, he knows a bit more about the aquatic creatures.

anyway.]

I think I was just in shock. I really didn't know Suibian was a girl!

[it's hard to tell sometimes, and he never really looked! seemed rude.]

But Momo...are you a parent?

[yesdoubt]

I guess if you've never kept rabbits before, it might've been kind of hard to tell. [Momo shrugs, like it can't be helped. He knows what his petalwolves are, but dogs are kind of blatant in terms of what gender they are if you take a glance in the right place.

As it is, he puts his hands to his chest a bit dramatically at that question.] Well, not by blood...but Yuki and I treat all our juniors like our kids. It's like having a big happy family!

[He makes a hugging motion as if encircling a large number of people, ignoring that many of his "kids" would either protest or die of embarrassment at that kind of treatment. Senpai rights get him a lot of leeway back home.]

[weiward]

[wei wuxian's mouth opens, forming a little 'ah' shape. that makes sense, and he's seen a little bit of the momo looking out for his juniors through his memory.]

That's really good of you. [he smiles gently.] I'm sure they appreciate having someone to look out for them and give them advice. [even if it is secretly.] It makes me wish some of the Yunmeng juniors were here. Or even Lan ones for that matter.

[he misses being looked up to.]

Video; un: photo.omi

[pastregrets]

[Well...how about that. The miracle of life. Omi smiles and watches for a bit, then seems to snap out of it with a little laugh.]

Well, I guess your household is getting a little more lively, now! Also, I ah... don't think that bunny is a boy...

[weiward]

[it would really be a miracle if suibian was a boy that wei wuxian thought he was! but things do make more sense this way.]

I can't believe they have this many babies! [wei wuxian laughs, only a little bit awkwardly. it is a lot of babies.] ...How am I going to tell the sons from the daughters?

[pastregrets]

Maybe if you ask them politely...?

[Omi stop trolling.]

We had rabbits at my school, but I can't honestly remember taking care of them enough to know which ones were which.

[weiward]

I don't speak the language just yet.

[never stop, trolls are his true people, puca come second.]

School? What sort of lessons did you take?

un: ma - voice

[stopfen]

Cute...[Quiet enough that there was some doubt as to if she meant to say that out loud or not. You have gained the attention of one fae, one that likes to dote on small cute things.

A small part of her wanted to say something bad, but cute, but...]

Rabbit stew is nice. If you use the male you won't get more.

[Then the mama can stay with the babs. A solution that was both horrible but allowed some cute to remain.]

un: wangxian | voice

[taciturnly]

( HOW DARE YOU SAY CUTE AND THEN SUGGEST THEY EAT THEM IN (ALMOST) THE SAME SENTENCE???? lan wangji will love and protect them with his life, positively horrified now, which transpires in the clipped, unequivocal tone of his voice. )

No stew.

[stopfen]

[It was the practical option for keeping as many buns but without gaining more.]

Are you trying to get more then? Because that's whats going to happen if you don't get one of the adults.

[And you couldn't exactly separate mom from the newborns.]

[taciturnly]

( what's wrong with a thousand buns tho. )

Nature will take its course.

voice

[weiward]

[not so long ago, he would've made that very same joke. but now his leg does this funny little fear trembling at the mention of rabbit stew. and he doesn't even want to imagine his bonded's reaction.]

Lan Zhan only likes one kind of stew. [wei wuxian's, which is its own horrible solution. a point was made though.] Eh - we'll think of something.

[...]

You wouldn't happen to have any more suggestions, would you?

[stopfen]

[Did he really have to imagine it though? But he just got a noise from Mikasa. It had been so long since she'd had rabbit.]

For what? Making sure you don't end up with more? [Wei Wuxian, you poor person you, should have probably thought about that before asking someone as blunt as a break.]

Could separate them. Or castrate the male.

[That's how they dealt with some of the very aggressive horses.]

[weiward]

[the idea of separating them is dismissed immediately. they're clearly meant to be together, and the both of them would probably be miserable.

the second suggestion, logical though it may be, earns an even bigger grimace. he's familiar with the process. it's never seemed so gruesome before.

he sighs heavily.]

Suibian, why couldn't you have been a boy. [he frowns, but he's not really blaming the new mom for it.] We should at least have a couple of weeks to figure something out. Maybe there's a magical solution.

[fuckingpassw0rd]

Uh did no one give you the whole shit about the bird and the bees? Rabbits are pretty big breeders, we used to raise a few of 'em when I was a kid.

[For food :D]

[weiward]

[don't say it, don't say it!]

If rabbits are this difficult, I don't even want to think about trying to tell bees apart.

[sounds like a good way to lose an eye.]

How much time do you think we have before they're... [vague gestures] "active" again.