aefenglom | text; un: berserker

[ He was broken before then, but slowly pieced back together through impossible circumstances. His progress was significant and then he was broken again in new ways. The cracks once repaired were shattered, the pieces fragmenting further, and maybe beyond repair. There are still pieces missing, cracks in the structure, and it's unlikely he'll ever be the same again.

And yet he persists.

Berserker covers up his silence with a long drink, not knowing exactly what he wants to say or if he wants to say anything at all. He's private and closed off on the best of days; at least being drunk right now helps. ]

...I just wish I could see them both one last time, say what needs to be said, or don't say anything at all and just...be with them for a few moments more to say goodbye.

[ Time. That's all he wants is a little more time. Time he'll never get and he accepts that. It's still a nice thought, an unachievable dream. ]

[ Time is always running out, forever moving, towards the inevitable. But acceptance of the eventual fate, doesn't change the feelings at the moment. No, it makes every moment all more important. Live like your day is your last—

Caster can't find words that he feels Berserker wouldn't know already, wouldn't tell himself already. So instead of words he puts his arm around his wide shoulder and pulls him closer into a comforting embrace. ]

What would you tell them?

[ Berserker presses into the embrace, Caster's familiar warmth and touch undeniably comforting. What would he tell them? There's so much he could tell them, but did it really need to be said? ]

I...would just thank them, for taking a chance and trusting someone like me. For letting me into their lives as closely as they did. Gratitude for all that we had and all that we shared.

[ Gratitude isn't something he's known for. Neither is emotional vulnerability and yet here he is, baring himself to Caster in the back of a bar, practically snuggled up against him. ]

Then I could finally let go of this pain.

[ The importance of saying a proper goodbye. ]

I'm sure they already knew... but the act of telling is important.

[ The chance to address things probably unsaid, now lost. Casters draw soothing circles on the skin under his hand. Suddenly, he gets a strange idea and with a short hum, he wonders. ]

Have you thought about writing letters to them? [ Crazy, stupid idea, but it suddenly jumped him ]

[ It is a crazy idea, enough to get Berserker to lift his head to stare at him. Is it really any different than what he does, going to their mirrors and speaking as if they can hear him? Grief does strange things to a person... ]

No...I'm not much for writing nor words. I don't know if it would help at all.

The follow-up was to... burn them. Or throw them into an ocean.

[ Kind of like— get it all out, and then let it go, let the smoke or water carry the message. Caster's fingers trace along Berserker's scalp, up between the horns ]

Just a weird idea that suddenly hit me.

[ It's not like he is very good at dealing with loss either. He just was "lucky" to die earlier than most of his important people ]

Hm...Maybe. I don't know.

[ It seems like Caster has hit a magic spot; Berserker leans forward into the touch between his horns with a pleased hum. Not even the booze has taken the edge off as much as physical affection like this has. They're not bonded, but it still feels pleasant. ]

If you're not careful, I'm going to fall asleep...

[ Might be a good time to wander on home, lest Caster have to deal with a sleeping dragon. Or not deal, more likely. ]

Was I ever careful... [ A short laugh. ] If anything they're not nearly the time of closing the place yet.

[ That's an encouragement. If Berserker wants to take a nap on him, so be it— he came here to comfort after all. They can stay like that for some time, hour, maybe two. Then when Berserker sobers a bit, he could haul him home. ]

...Mm, good point.

[ On both accounts, really. He knows all too well that Caster isn't careful in most of the things he does. There's a certain trust between them know and safety in his presence that allows him to feel safe enough to sleep. ]

Just for a little bit... [ He mutters, his eyes closed. ]

text; un: berserker

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