aefenglom | text; un: berserker

[ The thought of losing Diarmuid haunts him more often than he'd like to admit; it's a blow he's unsure he'd ever be able to recover from. With every lost bond, it feels like an inevitability he'll have to face. Now the thought plagues him, even as Enkidu explains. Berserker accepts their hug, though he doesn't return it, leaning into it instead. ]

...It still feels like a hole has been torn out of my chest. [ Finally, he puts his arms around Enkidu and draws them closer, almost desperately. ] Being so deeply intertwined with another's existence makes their absence that much more painful...

[ What they said makes sense to him and manages to break through his grief-addled brain. ]

I know on some level this sadness is because of the bond being broken...but most of it is my own. I've lost a bond once before and it was worse than this.

[ Geralt had disappeared when so many were kidnapped -- the ensuing captivity struck him even worse because of that. ]

[Enkidu just holds him, gently threading their fingers through their hair. They try to think about it, how it would feel when Gil would leave. Or Caren. And it is difficult to imagine such sadness.

Now they have always repressed all their memories about Gil, not speaking his name, not answering their master when they ask him about the one person they like. But now they do know they do not want to do that ever again.]

I understand that. [They do, now they're bonded there are a lot of things they've never really felt before.] I do feel for you...that you have to go through all this. It is not fair but perhaps, for you, it will eventually make you grow.

[Because they like that about him. On the outside he might seem uncaring, unmoving about anything, but when one takes a closer look, there's a strong soul in there, one who wants to push through.]

Do you want to speak about it? Or should I offer more comfort?

[ He only told a handful of people about his broken bond with Geralt, mostly those he knew that knew him. Caster was the first he told during their captivity; even thinking about it now sends him back to that place. Berserker stiffens as the memories come flooding back, his hands starting to shake. His voice is uncharacteristically quiet when he finally speaks again. ]

I don't know if you knew Geralt, but...the night we were kidnapped, our bond severed. That's why it was so hard for me to endure the torture. There was an emptiness I could do nothing about and to know he wouldn't be there when I came back...

[ At least he never saw what happened to Berserker in that place; that's the only comfort he could get from that time. ]

Flat disappearing...doesn't hurt as bad. You can understand why.

[Enkidu can feel how the other freezes against them and for that moment they frown a little. And when he finally speaks they try to paint a picture of such cruelty. Yes, that is quite cruel and they're not sure if speeches about souls and growth are in order.

Compassion might be better.]

I haven't known him but I think I understand how severe this must have been for you. I hope you will not endure it again. [A sigh.] Despite the fact that this place is cruel. I may hope that the pleasure I have given you has been able to soothe some of that pain.

[They don't think so since it was mostly desperate and born from the simple need to feel someone, to have some sort of connection.]

Hmm... Your bond might developed different. A different sort of friendship.

text; un: berserker

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