aefenglom | 001

Entry tags:

001 | Video

Name: Rich Goranski
Date: September 2
Format: Video

[The face that fills the screen is notable for a lot of reasons. For those who haven't met Rich, the harsh red scars covering his face, neck, and shoulders are certainly different. Scales are starting to pepper the skin like freckles, but it still doesn't do much to hide the damage. Nor does it distract from how emotional Rich looks. As much as he tries to keep his expression even, there's tension in his jaw, a slight furrow in his brow, and his eyes look slightly red.

He offers a weak smile and a wave to the camera, before taking a deep breath in and out. Apparently this is going to be difficult for him.]

Hey everyone. If you don't know me, I'm Rich Goranski. I got here last month, so... yeah. Anyways, I'm not here to break the ice or anything. I... need to tell everyone about some stuff, and I've been kind of meaning to do this for days and I just didn't know how. Anyways. I just wanted to warn you.

There's this guy you might have met. Looks like some handsome Japanese model, and he's got two different coloured eyes? I can send a picture if you don't know what I'm talking about. He's called the SQUIP. Or well, I don't know if that's what it calls itself here. It fucking introduced itself as Gregward to me, but... I think that's because we have a history. We're from the same place, and if what he did to me and my friends is any indication, he's probably going to really hurt someone here. He's already got his claws in some people and I just... don't want anyone else to go through that.

[He takes a moment to nibble on his lip and then look back at the camera, as if he's found some new source of bravery.]

Back home, the SQUIP -uh, Super Quantum Unit Intel... Processor- [He counts them off on his fingers as he attempts to remember the acronym.] It wasn't human. It was actually this pill sized supercomputer that you could take? It'd get up into your head and implant in your brain and then it was... basically supposed to help make you cooler. Or at least, that's what they said when I bought one. I got one back as a freshman and I... I mean, I guess it's kind of obvious that it fucked me up.

It doesn't really have any concerns about hurting people to get what it wants. It'd electrocute me if I didn't do or say the right thing. It put me on this really messed up work out plan and I built up way too much muscle way too quickly. I've got a bunch of stretch marks to prove it. And if you argued with it long enough, it wasn't afraid to just... take over your whole body. The last few months I had the thing, I wasn't even ever myself anymore... I just had to watch myself do all this shit that I'd never, ever want to do. Like selling them to other kids.

And it could get in your head. It would take away senses or give you weird hallucinations to make sure you didn't think about resisting. A friend of mine... Jeremy, he actually had his best friend erased from his vision so he couldn't even see him? I think he called it optic nerve blocking.

It finds other ways to manipulate you too. It's really charming at first, and it knows how to find and pick at every little insecurity you have. It'll use anything. Any memory, any good thought... I uh. When it wanted me to listen, it would take on the appearance of my mom. I hadn't seen her since I was little and I didn't want to lose that again. Even if she was saying things she'd never say... I couldn't make her hurt again.

[His voice cracks on the last few words, and he tries to cover it up by clearing his throat, taking a deep breath again.]

Anyways, its main goal wasn't actually to help us, if that wasn't obvious. It made me stock up on a bunch of the pills to try to slip them into everyone's drinks. It got Jeremy on board when I... uh, ducked out, to put it nicely.

It just wanted to spread to as many people as possible. It was trying to make this like, hivemind sort of thing. Called it a social network. Where no one had to hurt anymore. But it... it fucked with people until they don't know who they are anymore. Jeremy's SQUIP - I think that's the one that's here right now - it synced with me, and it made me go from being annoyed by Jeremy to just completely being his best friend. I couldn't think anything negative about him. And it did the same to a bunch of other people. It erased everything about them... practically made them zombies. I'm lucky there was someone who knew how to get rid of them. I... eventually tried burning mine out, but it didn't go as planned.

Anyways, the important thing is that the SQUIP is dangerous. There isn't a single person in my world who had a good experience with one, and even if it can't implant in people's brains now, it's still trying to hurt them. There's this guy he's hanging around with that he must have adopted as some new fucking project. And in that weird dream world, with that whole... monsters being slaves thing? It bought me. Me and one of my friends here, Connor. It tried to act like it wasn't going to do anything but it kept giving me orders and tried to get me to hide the truth from Connor. And then I don't know what it did to him... I think it must have cast some spell on him or something to make him agree more. It's a manipulative, abusive asshole. And I don't want it getting to anyone here... so that's why I had to tell everyone all this.

[He tries for a smile again, but it's too forced. He can feel a lump in his throat that signals to him he'd better end this fast.]

Anyways, that's about all I've gotta say. If you have any questions, let me know. I've got the receipts, I guess you'd call it. That's what they call 'em when you call someone out, right? Whatever. Thanks for listening. Hopefully next time I won't be such a fucking downer.

And uh, if there're any witches who're listening and know spells to like... conjure up something? Let me know. I might need a little favour.

[Rich gives a salute and ends the recording. His responses may be slow, but he just needs a minute to breathe normally again.]

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[Rich follows him, a little bit dazed, that exhaustion still clinging onto him every time he moves. When Connor sits, he does too, obediently, but then he brings his knees up towards his chest and wraps his arms around them.

He isn't sure if he can look Connor in the eye right now. He feels like if he does, he'll end up back in that nightmare all over again.]

It's... okay. I know it was hard to believe.

[He nods slowly. Of course the SQUIP seemed to understand. Rich thought it understood him too. When it hurt him, he wanted to believe it was only doing what was best for him. He thought it was tough love, or the only way to fix everything that was wrong with him, or just what he deserved.

He wonders a bit about what Connor did that he isn't proud of, but he decides not to ask.]

I'm just happy you changed your mind.

...If you need to ask me anything, you can. I don't know much about how it was programmed, but...

Edited 2019-09-02 04:32 (UTC)

I suppose my question is... what are you going to do now? We're stuck here together.

[And Connor doesn't know how he's going to face the SQUIP after this. They'd had something that he felt was special. Now... he feels confused.]

And did it really cast a spell on me?

Don't worry about that. I asked for witches on the network because I'm trying to find a back up plan. Something in case it finds some way back in my head again. If it keeps its distance, I won't have to use it. But if it gets close, I'll deactivate it.

[He glances over to Connor, and then slowly unfolds his limbs, moving closer to stare at Connor more carefully. After a few long moments, he nods his head.]

I didn't know for sure, but... your eyes were different when he was talking to you... and touching you like that. They were all foggy and glassy. Like the monsters that were under control... just a little different.

You'll kill it?

[Connor seems unsure about that.]

You do know that people can come back when they're killed here, right?

[That seems like important information. Though at the thought of being manipulated by the SQUIP, Connor's eyes lower to his hands.]

...I see. So it tricked me.

[He sounds genuinely hurt.]

I'm not going to kill it. If it gets in my head, I'll deactivate whatever part of it is in me. Like, if it doesn't hurt anyone else, and if you're right and people... come back, [As bizarre as that may sound to Rich...] then there's no point trying to do more besides protect myself.

[He looks over and hesitates before reaching out a hand to place on Connor's back.]

It's not your fault. Charming people is just what it does.

[Connor nods glumly.]

A friend of mine was recently killed by the SQUIP. Justine. It was trying to do something to her head, and it overloaded her brain. She came back, but she was weak for a few days afterwards. That's how I know for sure.

[He just wishes he hadn't been so blind to what the SQUIP was doing. He's supposed to be smarter than that... but he let his emotions get in the way.]

Wait, Justine? It killed her? What the fuck?

[He finds his anger coming back like a heavy wave crushing him, and he tries not to raise his voice, though he's definitely shaking. She had been so kind to him... and the SQUIP made her suffer like that.]

That bastard. It deserves to die, even if it doesn't stick. If it's already trying to get into people's heads, it's only going to get worse! We have to do something!

You have to think about this rationally. I know you want to see it suffer, but that won't actually solve anything.

[Think about it rationally, says the guy who let his feelings get in the way of seeing who the SQUIP really was. Easier said when you're not the one clouded by anger.]

We need some way to ensure that it can't hurt anyone ever again. We also have to take Linden into consideration. He'll no doubt take the SQUIP's side.

How will it not solve anything? Maybe he'll fucking learn how it felt when he put my friends through hell!

[He's been trying to be rational about this for long enough, and it only resulted in that dream world being even more of a nightmare than he thought.]

Besides, I don't know what the antidote will do to him here. I doubt it'll get rid of his new powers, just the old ones.

[He rolls his eyes.]

Yeah, he already texted me to act all holier than thou. He thinks he isn't being manipulated so he doesn't care what happened to anyone else.

So you think it's going to realise the error of its ways and apologise? Is that what we're aiming for here?

[That catches his attention, though.]

Antidote? What antidote?

[Is there possibly a way to render the SQUIP harmless without killing it?]

Apparently it's feeling things, so like. I don't know, maybe.

[He hesitates at the curiosity Connor shows. He gets the feeling he's looking for some solution besides death for the SQUIP, and Rich doesn't know if what he has will work that way.]

Well... it's that conjuring project I talked about. It's called Mountain Dew Red. It was this old soft drink, and as crazy as that sounds, it was the one thing that could shut the SQUIP in my head off. It didn't... kill it, exactly, but it did glitch it out. I don't usually hear it anymore.

So I don't know if it's going to kill him here or... maybe just get rid of all the ways it could get into people's heads and control them.

It seems to be feeling things, yes.

[Which makes Connor even more hesitant to kill it.]

If there's a chance we would just take away its powers and render it harmless... I think that would be a better option, don't you?

I mean... I guess if killing it wouldn't work anyways.

[Honestly, Rich isn't even sure if he'd have the guts to actually kill anyone, even the SQUIP, but he likes to try to put on a brave face.]

We could try using the antidote to deactivate that, then. If it doesn't work out, then I'll take the blame, but I think it's the only choice we've got.

[Connor still looks unsure, biting his lip.]

This antidote... it won't have any other side effects, will it?

[He runs a hand through his hair, exasperated.]

It would just take away its powers? No more controlling people?

[He should probably explain why he still feels the need to protect the SQUIP somewhat, shouldn't he?]

I just... I can see this from a machine's point of view. Did it do everything it was programmed to do? With machines, what matters most is getting to the desired result as efficiently as possible. I think it was acting based off its programming, and not its own free will. It didn't mean to cause you harm as such, that's just an undesired outcome. Does that make sense?

I mean. Besides hurting like a bitch for a second, it shouldn't. Should hurt as much as it did when my SQUIP got activated, so I think he can handle it.

[He looks away from Connor to go back to hugging his knees. He's still listening, but the moment Connor goes back to defending the SQUIP, the instinct is to close off. Protect himself.

If he doesn't absorb what Connor is saying, it won't feel like he's being betrayed.

Unfortunately, if he doesn't absorb what Connor is saying, that means he isn't exactly being thoughtful with his responses. Panic is building up in him, making him dig his fingers into his arms as he struggles to breathe.]

Right. It didn't mean to, so it doesn't matter that I'm miserable. It doesn't matter that I had months of physical therapy. It doesn't matter that my dad nearly murdered me over the hospital bill, and it doesn't matter that I want to die! It was an accident so I guess it's forgiven!

[He's not sure when tears started streaming down his face. Probably around the same time blood started streaming down his arms, thanks to the small scrapes his talons left.]

No, Rich-

[His instinct is to touch Rich's arm, but he pulls away again before making contact.]

That's not what I'm saying. I know that it put you through hell. That does matter. That's why I want the SQUIP to stay away from you.

[He eyes the blood running down Rich's arms, and finally touches his hand.]

You've been through a lot. But I want you to know, you've been incredibly brave. Please try to relax a little.

[Rich very obviously has a lot of personal issues that Connor isn't equipped to handle, but he's trying. His voice is quiet, his eyes concerned.]

I c-can't relax. I can't...

[Rich flinches when he's touched, but he doesn't quite pull away. He's angry and hurt and still, after everything, he trusts Connor, even though it's starting to feel like he has no reason to.

How would an android ever pick his side over one of its own?]

It's never going to stay away. So that means I can't relax until it's gone.

[Connor frowns, but decides to drop that for a moment.]

Here... we should tend to your arms.

[He gets up and goes to grab bandages and antiseptic wipes from the first aid cabinet. It pays to be prepared, just incase. He comes back and takes Rich's hand, extending his arm so he can work on the cuts.]

Maybe filing down your talons would be a good idea.

[Rich takes deep, slow breaths as his arms is held out. He's shaking, and tears are still gathering at the corners of his eyes, but he isn't pulling away, and that much, at least, is a win for the moment.

He doesn't say anything to the suggestion. He thinks admitting that he wouldn't care if he bled would probably only upset Connor more in the moment. Instead, he just averts his gaze to stare out a nearby window, instead of at the damage he's caused to himself or to someone he hoped would be a friend.]

[Connor cleans up his arms and bandages them, then lets go of his hands and sighs.]

I know you likely don't trust me at this point, but I still don't intend to let the SQUIP hurt you. I'll keep that promise to the best of my ability, no matter what.

[But he can't pretend he hates the SQUIP, or that he can't see its point of view. Even if he doesn't agree with its methods personally, they were methods it saw fit to get to its goal the most efficiently. That's what machines do. He won't blame Rich for anything he experienced, but he won't condemn the SQUIP for performing as intended.]

...I want to trust you.

[Rich lets his hands linger for a moment, stretched out towards Connor, before he brings them back, taking care to hug his arms with a little more caution.]

I just don't know if I can, after this. I know you have a reason for... not hating it, or not wanting to hurt it. I don't really want to hurt it either... I wouldn't, if there was another option. It drilled that violent idea about beating down anything that made me feel weak for years, and I don't want to give into it now.

...But I don't know what else to do. Anything else feels like I'm just... waiting to die.

[Connor nods sadly.]

If you can't trust me... I understand. I want you to feel safe. It's important.

[He fiddles with the bandages as he speaks.]

But I really don't think the SQUIP is interested in hurting you. It has no logical reason to.

[Or, well, it didn't. Rich's post might have kicked the hornet's nest a little.]

It had no logical reason to hurt me in that dream, either. It had no reason to control me like that, or keep me there when it knew I was fucking terrified of it.

[Maybe it did, but Rich really can't see the reasons.]

I didn't feel safe when I was in that world. You kept saying you'd protect me, and... I hate to be such an asshole, but you didn't. So I don't know how I'm supposed to believe it now.

[He bites back that the SQUIP didn't mean to give most of those commands, because he knows it fully intended to be an asshole while Connor was gone. That... he wants to ask it about.]

You're right... I failed in that regard.

[Which irks him, because if there's one thing he can't stand, it's failing at something.]

You shouldn't blame the SQUIP for keeping you there. I was the one who refused to let us be separated. And yes, it meant that you were in the presence of a being that caused you considerable pain. I was only weighing which would hurt you more, being in the presence of the SQUIP, or being taken as a slave by strangers.

[He was looking at it from a machine's point of view, he supposes... but in a way that he thought would help Rich.]

It's... it's okay.

[He can tell Connor is upset at himself... so he doesn't say that it was a poor choice, even if he really does want to. He goes back to resting his head against his knees, staring at a loose thread on his pants.]

It... I guess I just felt like I wasn't being listened to. I feel like I've tried to say so many times how I feel around it, and it felt like it didn't matter... or like you didn't believe me or something.

001 | Video

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