un: espresso_concerto

[amurder]

Name: Antonio Salieri
Date: Deceuer 2nd
Format: Audio

Good evening, everyone. [Comes a very low, inauspicious tone.] I hope this night has treated you all well. [Very nice, though. Very cordial.]

As for myself: I have a question.

Would anyone be willing to help me bake a few dozen sugar cookies?

Ah.

Perhaps ... a bit more than a few dozen.

Comments

voice.

[fordeath]

Do try not to leave too much white fur in them like you do everything else, Excellency!

voice. 1/2

[amurder]

—I'll have you know.

Amadeus. [Huff!] That I plan on wearing gloves while I bake.

[amurder]

... and what do you mean by everything else?

[fordeath]

[ what the hell! ]

Don't tell me you haven't noticed. My coats [ many of which are a spiffy, professional shade of black ] are always covered in your fuzz, Salieri. I spend a good portion of my mornings magicking it all off!

[amurder]

[Wow!] You—

You're exaggerating, Amadeus. [There. He'd know if he was shedding that much... !] You know very well I brush myself as often as I can!

And wouldn't a lint roller simply do...

[fordeath]

[ why exert effort when you can use all the helpful and valuable knowledge you learned in magic classes for outfitting yourself? ]

Tell that to the furniture, my friend. I've endured a long and fruitless battle with it since moving in together.

[ yet no acknowledgement whatsoever of the horrible mess of scores and clothes and leftover food he leaves lying around. ]

[amurder]

A "long and fruitless battle", is it?

[Prepare to eat your words, Amadeus.] Very well!

I'll clean out the closet and wipe it down to its last particle. Then you can sleep in there and avoid my fuzz all together. [KIND of a shame Amadeus can't see his bristling tail right now...]

[fordeath]

[ only when he's being lectured does he take into account that they're engaging in this couple's quarrel publicly. ]

You wouldn't! Besides... [ he might be able to hear that bristling tail in tone alone ] the bed is curiously fuzz-free. Imagine that. [ could he be backtracking? ]

... Although I do find the occasional feather.

1/2

[amurder]

[An occasional feather?!] Wolfgang!

[amurder]

... Hmph.

Really. [Oh, Amadeus. So close to redemption!]

I'm begining to think you're trying to tell me something. Could it be perhaps... you'd like for us to clean the entire apartment?

[That must be it.] To think! You merely had to ask, Maestro.

[fordeath]

[ this time, he laughs, playfully and remorselessly. ] Not at all! Come now, there's no need to be so sour about it.

I look forward to diving into our clean sheets once I get home. [ new tactic. ]

[amurder]

[Don't let him distract you, Salieri.]

After washing up and putting away the laundry, I'm sure.

Is that what you meant? [He muses. The sheets are VERY clean!]

[fordeath]

Not quite? [ not at all, actually. ]

Can't that wait for a day off? It's far too chilly to attempt a spring cleaning right now, Salieri.

[amurder]

Changing tunes so quickly, Amadeus? It was you who seemed to suggest our house was in a state of disarray.

[How far and how long is Salieri willing to take this public squabble is the real question coming to fruition.]

Or perhaps if you helped me with my brushing more often... [Wow.]

[fordeath]

[ a worthy question that will never be answered, because amadeus is OUTTA HERE. ]

That sounds like a fine compromise, mein Schatz, I'll take you up on that.

In fact I'll do that at once after I've returned home. See you then, I love you, bye!

[ blip. ]

[amurder]

[Wait, wha—] You— ...!!

[That man. He hung. Up.

... after saying that.] ...

[WELL. Time for an extremely flustered and reddened Salieri hang up too.]