(no subject)

[monotonality]

Name: zero
Date: Feb 20th
Format: text

alright. might as well get this the hell out of the way--

is being a monster supposed to be this annoying?

disgusting dead scales in my trash, pathetic emotional responses...

[Oh. Zero's having feelings. That's what's bothering her. Go figure.]

i'd rather die, thanks.

[Way to insult every vampire at once.......

How about just. A real question worth posting?]

if i fight it, am i gonna freak out?

Comments

text

[clickclickbang]

yes

don't fight it, it sucks but you WILL freak out and it will NOT be a fun time for literally anyone

[monotonality]

great

guess i shouldn't have expected any different though. never stopped me before though.

[ZERO NO....]

[clickclickbang]

trust me you do NOT want to fight the changes!!

and maybe get a bond??

[monotonality]

yeah, yeah, bad time all around... right?

anyway. i managed at least that much.





think it would affect him if something happens to me?

[clickclickbang]

probably, yeah

[monotonality]

...figures. nothing could be that simple.

fucked up or not, i don't really want to drag him into my mess

[clickclickbang]

then you're better off not fighting it. it sucks, but it sucks worse if you do

[monotonality]

i could always break the bond if i had to

if it's just going to hold me back, maybe i'd be better off without that... attachment

[clickclickbang]

going without a bond isn't better yknow

[monotonality]

then it's my problem, right?

don't worry, i've been through my fair share of shitty situations. i wouldn't do it if i didn't think i could handle it

[clickclickbang]

you'll go feral and then it's everyone's problem and it also just sucks??

[monotonality]

you ever done it yourself?

[clickclickbang]

not gone feral, but went a bit without a bond and it

S U C K E D

[monotonality]

i guess it would be pretty inconvenient to lose it now

no. the part that worries me is that i don't want to lose it. which means it's probably just gonna come back to bite me in the ass

[clickclickbang]

why would it bite you in the ass?

[monotonality]

[This answer doesn't come as quick, as if she actually has to wrestle with saying it a little.]

the more you don't want to lose something, the more it can hurt you when you inevitably lose it

[clickclickbang]

yeah but that's being human

or a person

whichever fits you best?

[monotonality]

sorry, but i wouldn't say i'm either of those things, even when i was alive

with intoners it depends on who you ask. some would say they're goddesses. most would say i'm a demon.

either way, "feelings" aren't my thing

[clickclickbang]

demon, goddess, still a person.

[monotonality]

i paid my dues when i was human

i don't need that shit following me here

[This cycle is unfair and she doesn't like it!!!]

[clickclickbang]

can't help with that

sorry?

text;

[selfishwish]

It gets a lot easier if you figure out how to get along with the Monster stuff.

If not, it's easy to freak out real bad instead... U( ´•̥ו̥` )U

[monotonality]

get along with it... riiight.

i'd get along with it a lot better if it stopped trying to change me. i've always been fine on my own, i don't know why now should be any different.

[selfishwish]

Yeah, but. U( •́ ∧ •̀ )U

It doesn't stop changing you until it starts to feel normal or you go feral, and going feral is way worse!!

[monotonality]

so ultimately it's gonna trick me into thinking this is how i should feel. that's not creepy at all.

[selfishwish]

Kinda. It can be really scary!

It's easier to remember what's you and what's Monster-stuff if you're not fighting it all the time, though.

[monotonality]

oh yeah? interesting... guess i didn't know that

[Because you won't stop fighting...]

[auftauen]

I understand that it's unpleasant enough for monsters. Never mind after a month or two has passed.

It's not just yourself you put in danger if you don't do something about it, do you understand?

[This is really toeing the line of hypocritical for someone who resisted Bonds for months at the start of her tenure here... But Crymaria's a witch, and she can handle things on her own, and -

It's different for her. She's different.]

[monotonality]

oh i'm sure the coven has all kinds of tricks up it's sleeve to "take care of" problematic cases like me

[auftauen]

Don't think so highly of yourself. They probably have contingency plans for most things and it has nothing to do with how well you do or don't handle this.

But I'm certain that for now their best interest is in keeping as many of us alive as possible. Maybe they do even really care about our wellbeing. Why not just accept the help?

[monotonality]

oh don't worry, i don't. but every time i've accepted "help" from someone, it's always bitten me in the ass. i don't trust their "generosity" for one damn second. if they're keeping us alive, it's because they think doing so is gonna benefit them somehow. the minute we stop becoming useful to them, we become the enemies

text;

[exarchal]

You mustn't fight it. It is a part of you now, and denying it will only give it more power over you. Though having a Bond might decrease the chance of losing your mind completely, it does not erase it. You will need the support to stay even-keeled for what this place throws at us, and they will depend on your strength as well.

[monotonality]

[See, now-- sexy grandpa, you're talking her language. Somehow.]

So basically if I don't want it to fuck me even more, I have to play nice and accept it. Not a great deal if you ask me.

[exarchal]

Would that it were otherwise, but yes. Had I full command of my powers, my friends and I would not be in this situation—but we must have changed while passing through the mirror, and we must deal with it.

The natives are more than experienced at living with this sort of thing. In this matter, at least, it may be wise to defer to them for assistance.

[monotonality]

at least it sounds like you're in good company. never thought i'd miss having my powers though, but it sure would be nice right about now.

[exarchal]

'Tis a sentiment most of us share, I think. But we may yet make up for our own shortcomings by relying on each other's strengths.

Are you faring well?

[monotonality]

still worrying about me, huh?

[She absolutely doesn't understand it. But she doesn't hate it. The dragon in her quite appreciates it.]

not gonna lie, it was pretty ugly for a while. but i'm still hanging in there i guess

text. un: triskele

[scyldig]

Probably. It's part of you now, fighting it will just be fighting yourself.

[monotonality]

trust me, that i'm used to

[scyldig]

Tired of it yet?