A request [text]; un: Berserker

[curruid_coinchenn]

i'm looking for someone with good morals to bond with flat escardos. i'm bonded to him and that's fine -- i'm not looking to annul the bond or anything like it. if you're not inclined to bond with him, then being willing to explain why the behaviors he considers normal are not normal is good enough.

he is basically a wild animal in human form. he is friendly and outgoing, but don't be lured into a false sense of security by this facade. he is chaotic and strange and will not stop talking once he starts unless you find a way to forcibly silence him.

this is an incomplete list of behaviors he considers normal:

• experimenting on friends without telling them they're a part of an experiment


• conducting loud experiments at odd hours


• nearly burning down the house while conducting pointless experiments


• living in conditions that would embarrass a raccoon


• trying to get people to eat wax

i could go on, but then i would spend way too much time writing this post. you get the idea. he has no concept of manners or propriety and doesn't know how to conduct himself around other people. when things are explained to him, he seems to understand, i'm just not the person to explain these things to him.

any offers of help are appreciated. i can get you in contact with him easily...he'll likely reply here, so if you're interested in being his moral compass, you can speak with him directly.

Comments

[curruid_coinchenn]

who are you, anyway? i'm ciarán cú.

[spaghettimonster]

I'M PAPYRUS!! THE COOLEST SKELETON AROUND.

YOUR NAME SOUNDS FAMILIAR... BUT YOUR USERNAME DOESN'T. DO YOU DO TATTOOS??

[curruid_coinchenn]

be careful if you ever meet me in person, then. i hoard bones.

[ But.......Oh no. How does he explain what he and Caster are??? Not a question he wants to answer or really has an answer for. ]

no. that's caster -- cú chulainn. i sometimes do piercings at his shop. we come from the same place.

[ Good...enough... ]

[spaghettimonster]

OH MY GOD. DON'T EVEN ASK. NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE MY BONES. YES, I WILL HUNT THEM DOWN IF YOU TAKE ANY. DON'T TRY ME.

WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY!!

OH, I SEE! IT'S NICE TO HAVE PEOPLE YOU KNEW BEFORE.

[Don't worry, Cu. He's more preoccupied with concerns of future bone theft.]

[curruid_coinchenn]

i don't tend to take bones from the living, but the urge will be there.

[ Killing people just to take their bones is messy and annoying, so the skeleton man will be safe for another day. ]

...sometimes it is, other times it isn't.

[spaghettimonster]

HMM. THERE'S A FEW PEOPLE I KNOW... I'M GLAD TO HAVE THEM AROUND. EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT REALLY FROM MY HOME. IT'S GROUNDING TO SEE FAMILIAR FACES. AND HAVE SOMEONE KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

[Sometimes. Frankly, he and Alphys and Mettaton run in slightly different circles, and he doesn't know either of them that well. But! It's better than nothing!!!]

I GUESS I WOULD FEEL DIFFERENTLY, IF IT WAS THAT DOG. OR SOMEONE WHO ANNOYS ME.

ON THAT NOTE: YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER URGES YOU LIKE. BUT DON'T TAKE MY ACTUAL BONES, THAT'S SUPER ILLEGAL. IF IT'S HARD TO RESIST, I CAN TOSS YOU A CHEW BONE.

BUT THAT'S A SPECIAL OFFER! DON'T ABUSE IT!!

[curruid_coinchenn]

...

i'm not a dog. i don't chew on bones.

[spaghettimonster]

GOD, I WISH THAT WERE ME.

IN ANY CASE, CONSIDER THE OFFER REVOKED!!! I CAN UNDERSTAND CRAVING CHEW BONES. EVEN IF I WISH I DIDN'T. BUT WHY ELSE WOULD YOU HOARD BONES??

[curruid_coinchenn]

i'm a dragon. it's just what i do.

[ As if it's the most normal thing in the world. ]

so it's not like i want to do it.

[spaghettimonster]

OH, SO IT'S AN INSTINCTS THING TOO...

[Papyrus can understand to a point. He too appreciates a good box of hoarded bones. But the word 'hoard' feels like maybe this is more than a mere box's worth.]

SIGH. CONSIDER THE OFFER COUNTER-REVOKED.

BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THE SORTS OF BONES I CHEW ON! LEFTOVERS FROM BUTCHERS. STUFF LIKE THAT. NOT MINE!

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ It's beginning to fill up the cellar in his house. ]

that's fine. i'll pay you for anything you give me.

[ Wait. ]

why do you chew on bones?

[spaghettimonster]

REALLY? I WASN'T LOOKING FOR PAYMENT... BUT I WON'T SAY NO.

[Time to hire people to make a second basement?]

CHEWING ON BONES... HOW TERRIBLE, RIGHT? BUT IT HELPS AROUND THE FULL MOON.

AND IT'S BETTER THAN CHEWING PILLOWS. OR FURNITURE.

[It's just as well his room back in the barracks burned down in the fire. There were an embarrassing amount of toothmarks he'd had to repair. And not as many from the full moon as he'd like to think.]

[curruid_coinchenn]

are you a turnskin? one i know like to try to steal pieces of my hoard around the full moon to chase and chew on...

[spaghettimonster]

YES, I'M SORT OF TURNSKIN. A DOG, OR A WOLF... I DON'T KNOW. SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

BUT! UNLIKE SOME OTHER DOGS I'VE KNOWN IN MY LIFE! I KNOW HOW RUDE IT IS, TO SNEAK IN SOMEONE'S HOME, AND STEAL THEIR BONES.

SO YOUR HOARD IS SAFE FROM ME.

[curruid_coinchenn]

good.

you've helped me out and it's appreciated. we'll speak again, i'm sure...

[spaghettimonster]

I'M SURE TOO! LOOK FOR ME ON THE WATCHES, IN A FEW WEEKS.

I'LL ASK EVERYONE... TO ASK ME QUESTIONS! AN OPEN INVITATION FOR SPEAKING AGAIN. OR THE FIRST TIME, FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T SPOKEN WITH ME.

[curruid_coinchenn]

...

as you say. i'll look for it.

[ Maybe. He's a jerk, it's hard to tell what he'll follow up on. ]