aefenglom | text, un: dawnwitch

Mixed. Two have ended poorly, two have not... thus far. Yet there is always room for more disappointment in one's life. Ah yes. I had all of them at once, for a time. A complication that did not improve matters for myself, unfortunately.

I've heard that having too many could be as dangerous as having none! Is that true, then?

...Wait, you expect to be disappointed?

[ What an odd outlook. ]

Initially, there was little effect. But over time... yes, you could say it did not bode well for my continued health.

[Being vague just for the sake of it, really.]

You could also say that disappointment has been my constant companion for more years than I care to count. If you've not experienced the same, you're either young or not paying attention.

[ Being vague is overrated. She has Questions. ]

May I ask what those effects were?

[ She considers the rest of his words seriously for a moment before carefully typing out a reply. ]

I suppose I am very young, yes. [ Although she's come to find that age often has little to do with how much one has endured. ] But I'm sorry that you've had to face so much hardship that your outlook has become as such.

Hmm... you may. As a gesture of unwarranted goodwill on my part.

[That, and the information on the effect isn't particularly secret. How truly magnanimous.]

Unplanned and uncontrollable bouts of unconsciousness, increasing in severity and frequency as time passed. Once unaware, I could not be roused by any means... to the point of finally failing to wake up at all. Such is the fate of a witch with too many Bonds.

[A statement accompanied by a shrug (for all that it... can't be seen), and a pause before the rest of his reply.]

Polite as such statements are, I've no interest in a stranger's sympathy.

Interest or not, you have it all the same. I didn't mean it out of mere politeness.

[ She wouldn't have wasted her time for just a mere polite saying with no meaning behind it.

Still, the rest of it has her eyes widening with worry. Not specifically for him, but instead another friend she knows who might be stretching his bonds too thin. ]

So the bonds taken too far... end up draining too much of you away rather than balancing out what you have. I see.

[Though he deigns not to comment on it, it is a point in her favor. Sincerity in anything was more than most people would even pretend to manifest.]

Yes, 'tis quite inescapable. I was in possession of three monsters and a witch- perhaps a different combination might work better, or perhaps doom things even more quickly. Mm, as for other notes- my magic was likewise reduced, due to said drain, and even though I was so frequently unconscious, I was never any more rested for it. Perpetual fatigue.

[Moreso than his normal state of 'absolute exhaustion.']

And though it may have been a coincidence... any disagreement between Bonds may hasten the process. A tempestuous dynamic seemed a greater strain.

[ She's had her fair share of betrayal. Sincerity is something she values highly.

Still, she absorbs his firsthand account with great interest. ]

I suppose in some sense that does make sense. If the bonds are there to balance us and our magic... they might do the opposite if strained to their limits and not in harmony.

[ There's so many interesting things to unpack here. She'll have to think about this some more. ~~And maybe have a Talk with Sora.~~ ]

May I ask what occured to resolve the situation? [ Since he's obviously not unconscious at the moment. Or far more talented than most. ]

It certainly appears to be the case. It may be that someone with Bonds of the completely steady variety may be able to stave off the inevitable for a greater time. But I've little doubt the result will be the same in the end.

[If he didn't get to be an exception and support four Bonds to no ill effect, then clearly no one could do it.]

As for the solution: two of my Bonds frayed quite suddenly. And how appropriate, that such deterioration would serve to both pull me under entirely... as well as provoke those two into seeking an annulment, thusly allowing myself to finally wake. An unfortunate consequence, as I'm sure we'd all agree.

[Unfortunate... to not remain in a coma. Apparently.]

It seems a little too dangerous to risk, does it not? Although I suppose for the sake of understanding...

[ People will do a great many things for knowledge. ]

I see. And when your bonds returned down to a manageable two, the problem resolved itself?

Although it sounds like the aftermath with your frayed bonds would be... messy?

Properly managed, it's not that terrible of an issue. I would go above three once again were I to find suitable candidates.

[It worked so well the first time after all.]

And yes, it was a smooth and easy recovery. A few weeks of rest... and I was much as I'd been before. No harm done.

[Apart from the severe changes to those relationships.]

Of course, they did get their Bonds properly annulled... had I been allowed the ability to snap them myself, it may have taken somewhat longer. Perhaps I should thank them for their consideration.

I would think being unconscious would be considered an issue!

[ She blinks at his words for a moment in disbelief. Although that maybe shouldn't be so surprising. He did seem to have a very... unique? outlook on all of this.

She feels like most of this reply should be sarcastic? But she doesn't think any of it is. It's hard to tell over text. ]

Hmm. You don't sound very thankful about it. Would you rather they not have?

Oh, it is, but only towards the end. 'Twas hard to leave the house at all, without risking an inadvertent nap in someone's garden. Even so... I would still have several months before it became completely unworkable. Then, I'd simply discard whichever Bond I liked least.

[Is all of this sarcastic or serious? Answer: likely both. While it had become something of a concern at the time, it was easier to portray it as a minor hassle now.]

Well, if they had decided to leave things as they were... I would have likely perished, thanks to their indecision. Or, one of them would've snapped on its own, regardless of anyone's intent, allowing me to rouse. That too is something that can happen when a surplus of connections stretches one's magic thin. And yet, I was denied the satisfaction of breaking them myself- some resentment is inevitable, don't you think?

Forgive me if this is too forward, but... What satisfaction could be gained from breaking a bond? Did you not want one with them in the first place?

[Pettiness and spite is the true answer, but not necessarily one he wants to admit to. So he ignores that part entirely.]

At the time they were formed, I thought we understood one another. However. Perspectives change, and acceptances with them. Even of the two that remain, one... while I do not regret it, and possess no current intention of losing it, I would not have taken it up so easily in retrospect. You may believe you're being careful, and yet discover you miss something entirely unforgivable, in the end.

[Why is he even admitting any of this to a stranger? It gets an irritable huff of breath from him before he continues typing.]

And yet, my most successful one is with someone I only knew for a handful of hours. However you decide to choose... it's as good as random as to the result.

[ His words... they stir up dark memories, and unfortunately, she understands his meaning all too well. ]

I see how that could pose and unforeseen danger in some cases. Some people... There are some people I'm not sure I'd ever wish to see their more private thoughts, let alone be connected to them.

But there are others I'm not sure I could ever understand without seeing that. Then again, maybe that's my wishful thinking and I wouldn't understand them still. I can see how regret would be easy, in such a case. [ But if the unforgivable had already happened, she feared to wonder if it could grow worse from there... ]

I'm glad that you at least found one in your searching that brings you happiness. I hope you have better fortune, should you seek to try again.

For some- yes, 'tis a choice so easy it hardly registers as one. I'd stay as far away from their minds as one could, and would loathe their access to mine own. For others... a Bond may provide an unique access to an understanding not otherwise permitted. Whether the answers it provides are for good or ill, or if the knowledge it gives is a complication unwanted- who can say? Are there those here you're considering with those concerns in mind? Still! Even should it work out horribly, you'll have learned something from the experience. And the most important lessons are never comfortable.

[From glib to dark, his tone is all over the place, for all that it's text.]

And I wouldn't call it happiness. [He doesn't know what that is.] But his presence is tolerable. I doubt... that I will ever find such fortune again. Well... I'll hope that your own attempts are more straightforward than my own.

No, not here. it just... reminded me of some similar minds back home. So far I've come across no familiar faces here, however - for good or ill.

Although I fear you're right about the important lessons. [ She'd learned that the hard way. ]

What would you call it, then? Would you call him friend? [ She can't help but be curious about this strange figure who seems strangely honest and blunt in his thoughts, sharp though they may be. ]

I hope so, as well. And thank you for the well-wishes all the same. I've certainly gained a great many unique perspectives to think on today.

To have those from your own star with you- would be a mixed blessing, no matter the identity. To be on one's own here would not be the worst of fates. Any secrets you could keep at your leisure... were it not for the invasion of a Bond. Even then, 'tis only a matter of finding someone who accepts you... or doesn't care. A friend... yes, I suppose I must, at this point.

[There were a lot of words he could use for it... but that one was just as valid.]

And yes, you have a wealth of opinions here, all equally as meaningful. [In other words, meaningless.] So with all of this at hand, what conclusions have you drawn? What aspect will drive your decision?

[He doesn't care of course, but he is slightly curious. This person seemed polite and thoughtful, which wasn't the worst combination.]

I think it would depend on who the person was. There are some I would be very grateful to see here, while others...

[ She's not all that big on secrets. That's not to say she doesn't have some of her own, or respect when others do, but... She's found herself mired in so many terrible ones of late it's left a sour taste in her mouth. ]

Do you truly find the bond an invasion? [ It's an interesting way of viewing it. She hasn't felt that connection yet, so she's trying not to form an opinion of it until she does. It doesn't sound all bad, but people certainly have very vast and varying opinions about it. ]

Mmm. I'm still putting that together. Having so many confirm that their bond grew deeper from something new and uncertain was reassuring. I suppose I was most worried about choosing someone I could not trust with a connection like that. Some here say three months is plenty of time to find someone you'd be compatible with, but perhaps I take a little more time to try and discern those I grow close to...

Or I may very well be overthinking the whole thing still. I'm not afraid to try, but choosing a direction is sometimes more complicated than just mere desire to do so.

Some people are worse than others, of course, but few are without complications. And with varying timelines 'oft involved, there's no guarantee of even encountering the same person once known.

[Was there even anyone he wanted to see brought here? His allies weren't exactly the best company, and while Hythlodaeus had been here but recently and briefly, that brought its own issues. Mixed feelings.]

As for whether it's an invasion... honestly, no. [A realization that comes as a mild surprise to him, and the Ascian hums to himself as he thinks about why.] Or rather, were one not willing to be open with one's Bonded, it would be. But if trust is involved, then... there's nothing to invade, is there? One's boundaries are already blended.

[It had certainly not been a view he'd had upon arriving here. He's not entirely sure when it changed, but....]

Perhaps... matching that intent matters more than any individual belief. I have little in common with either of mine otherwise. So long as you find those capable of taking all that you give them- do the other details matter?

Varying timelines?

[ This is the first she's heard of such a thing, but to be fair, as she's the only one from her lands, it hasn't come up yet. ]

Perhaps they don't. I think the biggest complication for me was always... finding someone I was comfortable trusting, I suppose. But I think there are at least a few here I've felt comfortable with that could easily grow into more, given time. At the very least, I suppose the bond presents a unique atmosphere to get to know them more in itself.

It is much as it sounds... though perhaps my world is more splintered than most in several regards. At my last count, there were nine others here from my star, yet to my best reckoning, none of us are from precisely the same version of it. Though not at all universal, I've heard similar stories from others.

[It was a bizarre circumstance, honestly.]

But I don't think there are any shortcuts there, when it comes to trust. Apart from the Bond itself, perhaps. And should it not build in the desired direction... it can be thusly discarded.

text, un: dawnwitch

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