[text]

[marmoron]

Name: Anonymous
Date: 7/2 (after new mirrorbound arrive!)
Format: Text

question. what's supposed to go into a bonding vow? how did your bonding ceremonies go? are you supposed to wear something nice? bring presents? would appreciate some advice.

[ Help out an anonymous space mullet? ]

Comments

[galrarm]

I don't have one myself yet, but judging from the other replies it seems to me that what matters is your feelings and what you say. It shouldn't be performative if you're not that type of person; Bonds are built on trust, after all, right?

[marmoron]

[ Shiro if only he could ask you things anonymously sometimes without it being really obvious after a while.... ]

and convenience according to some
but yeah, you're right
it's just ... feelings are hard, i guess?

[galrarm]

[ RIP to you, Keith.... ]

Convenience is valid, at least.
And I know a thing or two about how difficult it can be to talk about your feelings.
Easier said than done sometimes, but... just go with what's right for you.
I'm sure your bonded will understand, though, especially if it's someone you know.

[marmoron]

but they like fancy things and i don't like fuss.
at the same time, i want them to be happy and have the things they want, too.
but i also don't want them to know i've been thinking about this stuff
i'm not like this normally it's stupid

[galrarm]

Any relationship is built on compromise.

[ ... His mind's wandering a bit, caught in the past, but. ]

You can't take and not give back equally, but the same is true--giving too much results in an imbalance.
And to be fair to you, stranger, I don't think it's stupid.
It just means you care, if you're putting this much thought into the ceremony. You want it to be meaningful to them, too, right?
But you shouldn't have to burn yourself up to make sure they've got what they want. I don't know who you're planning on being bonded to, but if they care about you, they'll understand.

[marmoron]

i thought that's how you're supposed to care
you know. putting someone else's needs above your own?
even if it hurts or whatever. even if it hurts.
especially since people disappear from this place?
not that i'm hurting right now or anything
making them happy makes me happy too.

[galrarm]

[ Hmm. He has... a feeling, here. ]

That's true. But it's true for the other person, too.
That's where compromise comes in. Even if making them happy makes you happy...
Would they be okay with you sacrificing so much for them?

[marmoron]

[ .... ]

i don't know
but they sacrifice a lot for me too
way more than i'be done for them

[galrarm]

[ Ah, that hits in a way Shiro hadn't quite expected. ]

In my experience, sacrifice is pretty subjective.
It's probably not the easiest thing to bring up, but maybe you've done more for them than you realize.

[marmoron]

i guess it's a little hard for me to accept that my company is good enough