text; un: anonymous

[beariot]

Name: ANONYMOUS
Date: Before the event part 2
Format: Text

I swore I'd never make a post like this but I really am in a predicament and could use some perspectives.

Okay. So.

Let's say you are considering a pretty big life change. For example, moving in and sharing a living space with a significant other that you became close to, here. But both you and this person have bonded! And you're all REALLY close with said bonded! Like, also significant other levels. Or family. Just really really close.

How

do you manage all of those moving pieces? Can you? I feel like I'm going to lose my hair stressing over this.

Comments

[beariot]

I feel like you might be misunderstanding the situation here. I won't be miserable if I choose not to move in with them. It's not a binary choice between bliss and misery, here.

It's more like

gambling on a potential greater amount of happiness, but the risk is possibly alienating a lot of people you really care about.

[leitstern]

That is a conundrum, I dare say.

But people who care about your welfare should not decry you happiness; no matter where it could be found. Life is too short for such worries, in my limited experince.

[beariot]

But I can't just act in my own self interest, either. They're my bonded. I care about them.

[leitstern]

Then surely you have educated them on this problem? Spoken to them at all?

[beariot]

Unfortunately


no.

[leitstern]

Goodness! That is thoughtless.

But understandable. The humiliation of asking...

[beariot]

Exactly. I need to get over myself and my anxieties and circular thinking but I just

can't

[leitstern]

Again, understandable.

Have you not another friend who can adopt the burden? Bridge the gap by approaching them on your behalf, as it were?

[beariot]

I don't think I could ever do that. I'd feel terrible for putting them in that position.

[leitstern]

Do you not want a solution to your problem? Sometimes relying on others is necessary.

[Well, directing them, but that leads to accusations of manipulation and well.]

[beariot]

Logically, I know what the actual, ideal solution is. It's communication, with everyone involved.

But that feels so terrifying.