video; un: zewu-jun

[zewu_jun]

Name: Lan Xichen
Date: forward-dated! 2/20
Format: video


[ Lan Xichen is resting on a rock beside what appears to be a calm lake. For those that frequent the Forge, they might recognize it as a nearby landmark one can pass on the route. He greets the network with a seated bow. ]

I apologize for the interruption, but I wonder if I might ask some questions to those who have time?

If you have a Bond, what prompted your decision to choose that person? I know Bonding is highly encouraged, but finding a suitable match might be complicated, and one cannot necessarily be trained in choosing a good partner. With only my own experience, I must assume not many other worlds have a custom like this. It's not the same as choosing to marry or finding a cultivation partner.

How do you know if you have made the right choice? Or, if you choose not to Bond at all, what are your feelings on such a connection?

I'm afraid I have based most of my judgments on the partnerships I know from my own life. Up until now, perhaps I have misunderstood the relationship that forms.

Comments

private;

[zewu_jun]

[Lan Xichen takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. Whether or not Myr is only saying it for his benefit, he takes the words to heart. Sometimes, even if you do your best, you really can't do everything. He still blames himself for many things, but he has to admit that when Jin Guangyao wants to, he can hide his true feelings away forever.

Maybe the problem was less in being able to see them or understand them, and more that Lan Xichen had not made his own clear?]

I believe... He did not mean you harm. It was wrong of him, and he should not have treated you that way. No matter his intentions, he does things sometimes that should not be allowed.

[It hurts to say that out loud. Each word comes out a bit more delicately, like he's too tender and has to guide it.]

But I should not believe that any of us are fully incapable of hurting those we love. Even if we try.

Nevertheless, this time please let me pay for what was done.

private;

[zewu_jun]

He should have trusted me.

[ It's an almost petulant, sour delivery when Lan Xichen says that. He's angry, wounded, and still not quite settled on what to think of everything that happened. Part of him knows that much of Jin Guangyao's actions are driven by fear. Another part insists that he's been patient enough and that this is beyond any reasonable doubt. Which makes him angry. How dare Jin Guangyao prove those around him right! How dare he act out, giving Lan Xichen no room at all to try to accept his perspective?! ]

He misled me. He lied and convinced me that he was doing no wrong, when in reality he was consorting with- with- [ He draws air through his teeth, remembering the haze he came out of and the rage that followed. His eyes close as he shakes the image away. ]

I should not trouble you with these matters. It's my mistake for not being prepared and allowing things to go so far. He has learned many bad habits by poor example and I forget sometimes that he's not always as calm as he says.

[glitzandglamour]

Oh my. You're unsure. What a troublesome Bondmate you covet. But the fact that he's difficult to read... Isn't it part of the intrigue?

[As at this point, Mettaton is assuming this is hypothetical advice for a prospective Bonded with whom he is merely drawn to. Whether they're actually Bonded or not wouldn't change his response, though.]

Well well well... Remember what I said about being bold, darling. I'm sure you can come to understand him better by being forward with him. State your true thoughts. He'll have access to your feelings anyway, in Bonding with you! [With a hum, and said slightly lower:] What has he done to make you doubt yourself...?

[zewu_jun]

[ Lan Xichen presses his lips together, but he can't entirely resist the thought that manages to make its way in: Yes, Jin Guangyao is trouble. He can be quite a lot of trouble, actually!

But he can't say that. Instead, he forces himself to swallow those words and focuses instead on the question. ]

I asked him to trust me. We are friends, and I thought I had his trust now. Things were difficult at home, but he had said that here he would like a new life. But then he deceived me. Now I do not know if he really wants anything he said he did.

[ Including him. Which, to be fair, he hasn't actually asked that. ]

[moneytwin]

[ There's a faint cluck of her tongue, disapproving of this Bonded, before she huffs. ]

Of course you can trouble me with this. You're my friend. And it sounds like you need someone to listen to how you're feeling.

[ She can hear how he struggles with his emotions regarding this, with reconciling what has happened, how his trust has been betrayed. He may be a little petulant (just a little), but Vex can understand that feeling, and she would not fault any sourness on his part. ]

Why don't you come to my house? Sheva is out, and I picked up some nice floral tea from Dorchact this morning. It's meant to be quite soothing.

[ And you can rant to your heart's content within the safety of her walls, if you needed. ]

[zewu_jun]

[ Lan Xichen at first looks down, responding to the disapproval as if it is embarrassing for him to have voiced his own complaints. Which, to be fair, he didn't need to do. Burdening others with his unchecked emotions. It's too late now, though, and when he looks up, it's out of surprise at the invitation. ]

Ah, I- I would like that. I'm afraid I have not been home recently, though, so I am... not as presentable.

[ He's been sulking out his feelings in the Wilde. But going home to clean up also seems like a bad option at the moment. ]

[moneytwin]

That's not a problem. [there's a hint of amusement. As if a ranger would be concerned by someone living an outdoors lifestyle.] You can wash up when you get here, if you like.

[ Vex would never chide someone for sulking in the Wilde. But she might scold to know he was alone. Hasn't she already lectured him about heading out alone, without telling anyone? ]

Bring yourself, and your troubles, and you can tell me more over tea. [and in privacy, where others are less likely to eavesdrop.]

[zewu_jun]

[ He is used to worrying about his appearance and manners, ready to be scolded for what would essentially be running around getting dirty back home. But being admonished for not taking care of himself is something that should have belonged to his mother. And that was a role that was never really filled.

He would be surprised to have Vex give him that treatment now that he is so far beyond his childhood years. He never really gives those concerns enough thought. Even though he's retreating to her just like a kid now, to cry about his problems. ]

All right. Thank you for taking care of me. I will trouble you for a little while.

[ Because he still isn't ready to go home. He does show up at Vex's door, a little less pristine than usual, but still tidy in that fussy Lan clan way. ]

[moneytwin]

[ With Sheva having disappeared back through the mirror and her cats being collected by her former bondmate, Vex is now the sole occupant of her house. It's oddly lonely, something she hadn't expected to feel, so there's a welcoming smile for Lan Xichen when she opens the door to him. (Trinket is absent - currently spending time down at the forge, keeping an eye on Percy for her, or enjoying the heat? probably a bit of both, really.) ]

It's no trouble, darling. I invited you, after all. [she steps in, and gestures for him to enter] Please, come in.

[ As promised, there is tea waiting, pot steaming. There are couches to sit on, or large floor cushions, whatever the guest's preference. ]

You can use the washroom upstairs now, or after tea, if you like. It's the red door on the left.

[zewu_jun]

[If there were cats, they might notice the small animal tucked away in Lan Xichen's robes. He couldn't very well leave A-Zhan behind with an angry, possibly hungry Naga, now, could he? So the squirrel comes along, safely hidden under his clothes when he shows up at Vex's door. He doesn't seem that messy, but compared to those of his sect, he's something less than presentable, with his hair not as neatly arranged and his robes a bit more weather worn due to the elements. He still isn't outright dirty--how could he possibly show up on her doorstep if he were?--but he's looking a bit uncharacteristically frazzled.]

Mm, I should visit it now then.

[And not sully her table, he thinks. At least he doesn't spend too long cleaning up and straightening his clothes. When he returns, he has that typical Lan air again, even if his expression is still frosty under the polite smile.]

Thank you for being so kind. I will remember this and be sure to repay you one day.

[weatherscience]

... yeah, I can imagine that. You don't seem the type.

[ if anything, he seems the type to want to avoid conflict as much as possible; for nami, though... as much as she hates fighting, as much as she's a self-declared scaredy-cat, when she fights, she fights with her life on the line, every single time.

she thinks back to vivi, to alabasta, to luffy shouting that if she didn't want anyone to die, then why was she risking her own life? why wasn't she risking their lives as well?

that's what it comes down to, for nami. true trust is not only risking your own life for those you love, but letting them risk their lives for you. ]

But in that case... maybe think of trust not in terms of lives, but of choices. The people I'm bonded with — I could walk away from an important situation and know that they would make a choice that I would approve of, in that situation. They might not choose exactly as I would... or do exactly as I would. But I know I could walk away and trust them with it.

[zewu_jun]

Break the bond? [Tsutha! How can you say something like that so easily?]

But you are deeply connected. If you break off the bond after already exposing so much to each other, wouldn't that be awkward?

[zewu_jun]

Choices...

[Yes, they've both made some pretty bad choices. It is easy to get mad at Jin Guangyao for his. Those decisions that obviously harmed, destroyed, manipulated--all of those things were blatantly wrong once revealed. But was Lan Xichen only making worthy choices in the meantime? Wasn't he also at fault for allowing things to go too far? For never asking questions when he should have, only to be surprised when he was confronted by the truth later?

Maybe he can't just walk away and trust Jin Guangyao will always make a choice he stands by, but in that case, shouldn't he be the one to draw clearer lines?

The problem is, at the moment, he's still angry about being lied to. That Jin Guangyao would claim he wanted a new life only to repeat the exact same actions from the past is more offensive than just being controlled.]

What if you can't?

private;

[faithlikeaseed]

[Ah--those sound like words from a softer heart even than Myr's own. The Faun breathes out slowly at the realization, and squashes his own first instinct to turn aside any offer of restitution for what was done. He's been on the opposite side of this equation before; he isn't Niles, to nurse his grudge until it explodes into brutal retaliatory violence.

Still... It wouldn't satisfy justice for someone else to take on Jin Guangyao's sins without the Naga making any effort of his own to rectify things.]

Sometimes, I fear, we might find ourselves needing to do something a loved one is hurt by. Setting a broken soul to rights can hurt much as setting a broken bone does.

[He pauses, a moment, and searches for words.] I don't know you can assume his debt. [In part because Myr is adamant in the idea he wasn't harmed, not really.

(He can't look that in the face.)] In this instance--because, at least in my case, there's nothing left to pay for. I simply want him to stay away from me.

[L might have other plans. He doesn't know all of L's plans. He should probably worry about L's plans, but that's beyond him right now.] Though you might--he did--

[His voice wavers, grows quieter. His pretense of not being hurt suddenly feels awfully thin.] --I wasn't--he didn't hurt me directly, but there were others--who were hurt. Because of my inaction, or what I told the Circle, acting on his words.

[Maker's breath. He shouldn't have said that, nor put it on anyone else to solve.] Though that's--that is mine to fix.

[glitzandglamour]

Hmm... Well. It sounds like he may have trusted you still. Why, even I would trust you! You sound very earnest, darling.

[(Monsters could be led to trust anybody they meet, this isn't difficult to do.)

But Mettaton doesn't have the whole story, nor does he understand what difficult means, or what deceit looks like here. But he continues regardless, spinning stories in his mind based on limited information.]

But! Did he ever give you reason to trust him, darling? I imagine that, if things were difficult before... he must expect that you don't. [Camera's off, but he snaps anyway.] Yes! This is where boldness steps in, darling. You should be forthright, and ask him what he wants!

[weatherscience]

Then... you have to think why you're bonded. What is it that you value?

[ nami sighs, propping her chin on her hand. she doesn't know for sure, but after jiang cheng's tightly controlled, cold anger, directed at a man she's only met once, a man who was so very polite and sweet —

she wonders. she doesn't know lan xichen, not really. doesn't know what kind of a role he played in it all — if he played one at all. but the questions he's asking don't seem like they're ones that have arisen barely from this place. it's personal...

and she wonders. ]

I may be assuming here, but... you have a bond, right? And that's why you're asking all this. Because you don't know if you made the right choice in creating the bond. So ask yourself: why did you create it in the first place? What did you hope? What did you believe?

And were you wrong?

[zewu_jun]

[ Did he trust Jin Guangyao? Once upon a time, he had given his friend more than trust. He had made excuses for him, indulged in his secrets and hid his crimes without asking why rumors spread around that the Jin Sect Leader was associated with terrible events. That had ended in tragedy, and after getting his second chance in Aefenglom, Lan Xichen had tried to be more aware and deliberate in his choices. He treated Jin Guangyao with open kindness, but trust was something that they both knew had been broken.

Well, as Mettaton says, maybe he really hasn't been forthright with his feelings. ]

He told me that he wants a new life here. Except that he continues to relive the past even when we are no longer held to it. I really don't know what to do.

[ There's a note of exasperation at the end of that statement. ]

I want him to trust me, but he keeps hiding from me and trying to mislead me. How am I supposed to make him understand that this is not the way to live?

[ Snakes are too stubborn! ]

[glitzandglamour]

Oooh, so it sounds as if you have reasons AGAINST trusting him. Telling you one thing, then doing the opposite? Outright secrecy, and misguiding youtoo?? He really is trouble, sweetheart!!

But for some reason, you just keep trying...

[Normally, the advice at this point might be to ask if this person's any good to have in Lan Xichen's life... But in Mettaton's mind, he can understand: some people are just worth it! It keeps things interesting, there's that much.]

He already seems to know it's not the way to live, darling. Didn't he say he wants a new life...? One he's not pursuing. Yes... I think you two lovebirds could do with setting the record straight. What good is a Bond that you can't indulge to the furthest degree? You're only tying your hearts together, after all! There's no room for secrets.