aefenglom | video; un: zewu-jun

Name: Lan Xichen
Date: forward-dated! 2/20
Format: video

[ Lan Xichen is resting on a rock beside what appears to be a calm lake. For those that frequent the Forge, they might recognize it as a nearby landmark one can pass on the route. He greets the network with a seated bow. ]

I apologize for the interruption, but I wonder if I might ask some questions to those who have time?

If you have a Bond, what prompted your decision to choose that person? I know Bonding is highly encouraged, but finding a suitable match might be complicated, and one cannot necessarily be trained in choosing a good partner. With only my own experience, I must assume not many other worlds have a custom like this. It's not the same as choosing to marry or finding a cultivation partner.

How do you know if you have made the right choice? Or, if you choose not to Bond at all, what are your feelings on such a connection?

I'm afraid I have based most of my judgments on the partnerships I know from my own life. Up until now, perhaps I have misunderstood the relationship that forms.

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[Lan Xichen takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. Whether or not Myr is only saying it for his benefit, he takes the words to heart. Sometimes, even if you do your best, you really can't do everything. He still blames himself for many things, but he has to admit that when Jin Guangyao wants to, he can hide his true feelings away forever.

Maybe the problem was less in being able to see them or understand them, and more that Lan Xichen had not made his own clear?]

I believe... He did not mean you harm. It was wrong of him, and he should not have treated you that way. No matter his intentions, he does things sometimes that should not be allowed.

[It hurts to say that out loud. Each word comes out a bit more delicately, like he's too tender and has to guide it.]

But I should not believe that any of us are fully incapable of hurting those we love. Even if we try.

Nevertheless, this time please let me pay for what was done.

[Ah--those sound like words from a softer heart even than Myr's own. The Faun breathes out slowly at the realization, and squashes his own first instinct to turn aside any offer of restitution for what was done. He's been on the opposite side of this equation before; he isn't Niles, to nurse his grudge until it explodes into brutal retaliatory violence.

Still... It wouldn't satisfy justice for someone else to take on Jin Guangyao's sins without the Naga making any effort of his own to rectify things.]

Sometimes, I fear, we might find ourselves needing to do something a loved one is hurt by. Setting a broken soul to rights can hurt much as setting a broken bone does.

[He pauses, a moment, and searches for words.] I don't know you can assume his debt. [In part because Myr is adamant in the idea he wasn't harmed, not really.

(He can't look that in the face.)] In this instance--because, at least in my case, there's nothing left to pay for. I simply want him to stay away from me.

[L might have other plans. He doesn't know all of L's plans. He should probably worry about L's plans, but that's beyond him right now.] Though you might--he did--

[His voice wavers, grows quieter. His pretense of not being hurt suddenly feels awfully thin.] --I wasn't--he didn't hurt me directly, but there were others--who were hurt. Because of my inaction, or what I told the Circle, acting on his words.

[Maker's breath. He shouldn't have said that, nor put it on anyone else to solve.] Though that's--that is mine to fix.

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