aefenglom | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Name: un: errantry
Date: Feb. 11th
Format: Text

I honestly haven't been using this blasted watch as much as perhaps I should have. It just never seemed important.

But I have received some advice from someone and I suppose I am now putting it into practice, despite my trepidation.

My bonded left or vanished early last month. Or the month before; I can't quite remember. I managed the last full moon well enough, but I know from experience that it's just going to get worse or at least more difficult. And more to the point, I'm feeling horrendously lonely as of late.

So I'm looking for friends and companions, I suppose, with the potential to eventually form a bond. Not the most romantic thing I've ever done, but this place isn't all that romantic to begin with, is it?

Still not used to this whole "mortal" thing, though.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ For all her shortcomings, Iramaat is a saint for being able to say she's glad that Asahi doesn't mind her with a straight face.. ]

I have to trust you more for that to happen.

[ A bit blunt, but Asahi would prefer calling it direct. Setting clear expectations. ]

There's no real point in being friends when you can't be fully comfortable around each other, right?

Well... why aren't you comfortable? What could I do to make you trust me?

[ Iramaat frowns slightly and sips at her tea. ]

I don't want there to be... awkwardness.

[ Any answer she could give to that feels bad. 'Don't lie to me' is a rude thing to say when she can't even be sure if Iramaat really lies to her or if it's just rampant paranoia on her part. It wouldn't be the first time for it to just be the latter. And even saying 'don't be so weird' doesn't feel fair either..

Asahi has to think about it, looking pretty awkward as she does. After a few moments she does at least arrive at an answer though. ]

I heard harpies are supposed to have the ability to be able to tell whether people are lying or not. As soon as I get that, I'm sure things will be much less awkward.

[ Iramaat frowns and takes a sip of her tea. That does sting. Although it stings more than it might have a year ago. ]

Asahi... I told you, I don't lie.

[ Bend the truth? Yes. But never lie. ]

Honestly. It... hurts a little that you don't trust me without needing some sort of verification.

I..

[ She starts, then stops. No matter how much her feelings about Iramaat may be Complicated, there's no way someone like Asahi can't feel guilty at hearing that kind of thing regardless. ]

It's not you. [ She tries to explain, but can't quite meet the other's gaze. ] I'm like that with everyone. I know it's been a long time since I showed up here, but I just-- I'm still not used to living this way. Without knowing.

[ Maybe she's overexplaining, but the words just keep on coming now she's started. ]

The only person I know I can trust for sure is the person I'm bonded to, since I can literally feel what he feels. But with everyone else I just need to guess all the time. And I know that's how most people do it all the time, but I just-- I can't.

[ Iramaat quite deliberately watches Asahi as she tries to explain. A part of her knows its cruel to try and fix Asahi on the spot like this and normally (a year ago), she wouldn't have cared. She would have delighted in watching her squirm. But now Asahi is a potential lifeline and a part of Iramaat feels... a bit guilty about it.

And honestly, what she's describing is something Iramaat can sympathize with. She leans back with a sigh and fiddles with a strand of her hair. ]

I... suppose I know what you mean. That was me before I came here - with all the knowing, I mean. I knew I was meant to be the hero. I knew nothing bad could really happen to me. That I'd always win, that I'd be able to go on to my next adventure and it wasn't my problem if something happened to go wrong...

[ She frowns. She doesn't like opening herself up. ]

...but it's all different here. Uncertain. Like I'm standing in shifting sand.

[ Asahi seems to listen rather attentively to what Iramaat says. Maybe she can already feel this is slightly different from the usual - or at the very least a little more important than that. She's staring at Iramaat as the other speaks, and once she finishes, Asahi puts her arms down on the table, letting her head rest on top of them with a sigh. ]

We're both right messes, aren't we.

[ So maybe it's not really fair of her to constantly be doubting Iramaat. Even if she can't help it. It's not like the other doesn't have her own struggles. ]

I didn't think I was, until I ended up here.

[ Iramaat sighs. She feels vulnerable and unahppy about this whole conversation now. She doesn't particularly enjoy opening up about herself. But this is worth it, isn't it? ]

But I suppose we are. And trying to make the best of it. [ She watches Asahi for a long moment and then reaches out to card her fingers in her hair in an idle little gesture. ]

All we can do, hmm?

...

[ Just judging by the slight reaction - just a movement from her eyes - Asahi is definitely noticing the gesture.

But.. for what it's worth, she's not moving away from it. Nor leaning into it, but at least she's accepting it. That's already a lot with Asahi. ]

I knew I was all along.

[ She even admits. ]

But I'm glad you managed to get your head out of your butt for long enough to realise it too. [ Despite the content of her words, it doesn't sound biting or sharp in any way. There's even the twitch of a near-smile at the edge of her lips. ] Makes me feel a bit less like the only weirdo.

[ After a little while longer, her hand withdraws, resting on the table. ]

I wouldn't say I had my head there. What about the clouds? The clouds are much better...

[ Hmmph. She's not that offended, but she's playing it up a bit for Asahi's amusement. ]

And don't worry about being a "weirdo". You're unique. Take pride in that.

[ Of course you'd say that, she thinks about that last part. But for once Asahi is nice and tactful enough to hold it in instead of blurting it out like she usually does.

She turns her head - still letting it remain on her hands though - enough to be able to look at Iramaat. ]

Were you never made fun of back home? For being different? Or did all people seriously only look up to your hero self back there?

No, not once. At least not in my hearing, anyway.

[ Iramaat settles her chin in her hand with a shrug. ]

Not by anyone who mattered, at least.

You're lucky to be so confident.

[ And to never have anyone be mean enough to her that she'd remember it, too.. but Asahi doesn't really want to call that 'lucky'. Iramaat may be strange, but she doesn't deserve to be treated in any shitty way by other people, she can't help but think. ]

Perhaps. But you can learn confidence. Or at least pretend to have it.

[ Iramaat sighs and gives Asahi's head another pat. ]

Don't let the opinions of others drag you down; hold your head high. Remember - in the end, you have to live with yourself and it's more important to do what you need and want than to worry about the judgment of small-minded people.

That's easier to say than to just instantly believe, you know..

[ And it's not even because she thinks Iramaat is lying this time! It's just hard advice to live by when Asahi's interactions with other people in her life have been so consistently negative. ]

.. thanks for giving me advice though. [ She has to give credit where credit is due. ] I know I'm not always super nice to you, so.. um, I appreciate it.

Dear heart... I like you. Of course I'll help you.

[ Iramaat offers her a smile. It's... probably the closest to heartfelt she's been since Nel left. ]

You can ask me. No matter what, I'll do my best to help.

Uh.. [ Geez, that's so overwhelming to suddenly hear. Asahi sucks at asking for help, so she probably wouldn't despite the offer being extended, but it's not like she's dumb enough to not realise it's a super nice offer regardless. ]

Thanks. Again. I'll try to remember that.

[ Even though she most likely won't act upon it. ]

Good. Now - drink before it gets cold!

[ They'll have a much more pleasant conversation afterward, of that she's sure. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(no subject)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

sounds like a good place for a thread wrap?

sure!