text; un: sasukeuchiha

[eyeforaneye]

Name: Sasuke Uchiha
Date: 07/09
Format: Text/Video

[ The video opens with a perfectly still, immaculately framed sepia shot of a storefront. The glass of the windows is smudged with dirt and dust that’s far less noticeable at the center but which appears borderline opaque around the outside edges, and with a flecked paint job on the wood siding it’s clear that this particular store isn’t wearing its age well.

Nevertheless the signage above the store appears newly updated, stark and clean in sharp contrast to the rest. ]

This is an advertisement for Daemonologie. [ There’s a pause as if even he doesn’t know how to quite handle the appearance of the business he somehow has to make appealing, at least managing to hold in a sigh. ] I’m fixing it.

Check the attached text in accordance with this video. [ Which is how the clip itself abruptly ends, though not before Sasuke turns the camera to the left and then to the right to make the shop’s location in the southwestern Shopping District more apparent to any who might be on the lookout. ]

The following is a statement prepared by my employer:

Daemonologie is an all-ages magical menagerie and emporium servicing both witches and monsters. Are you tired of sourcing your mystical beasts from the Wildes? Are you feeling overwhelmed trying to find the right breeder for your ideal familiar? Do you need the feather of an enchanted sparrow for your latest potion but don’t feel like buying the whole bird?

Then Daemonologie is the place for you. We not only provide quality companionship in the form of magical creatures aplenty but we also offer a variety of animal byproducts for any of your witching needs. Quills? Not a problem. Unfertilized and fertilized eggs? We have them. Scales both decorative and deadly? You know the answer! Stop on by today!

(Note: Vampires welcome! Ask about our animal blood specials (guaranteed to be high in magic)! Also don’t miss our weekly sale items: enchanted brushes for even the thickest fur, pewter cauldrons, and a humidifying enchantment to offer comfort and relief from a dry molt.)

As a bonus we’re offering a special promotion. Comment here if you would like to take a short quiz that will pair you with the familiar best suited to your personality type. You will then receive a 5% discount on the animal that you receive as your result. What a deal!

For the first question: what is your ideal vacation spot?

A. The city
B. The beach
C. Somewhere woodsy
D. The mountains
E. The desert

[ He did not expect for his second day on the job to require him to market his workplace to other Mirrorbound, but here he is. ]

Comments

[mensrea]

Dude, there’s so much to do in the city! And I’ve always wanted to travel. Think of visiting Tokyo, Japan’s capital. Doesn’t that sound kickass to you? Plus, I’m kinda tired of always getting mauled by werewolves in the woods, so screw that.

B., even though my brain is definitely the same size as anyone else’s my age...

[eyeforaneye]

Why would that sound kickass to me? I don't know anything about it other than that it's in a country whose past resembles my world. You're generalizing.

Which of the following is your significant other's best quality?

A. Their patience.
B. Their super big brain.
C. Their courageous spirit.
D. Their loving nature.
E. Their bad jokes.

[mensrea]

Why WOULDN'T that be kickass? It's literally the best example of our two worlds mixing. And you already know the language.

What would you have picked? Don't tell me the woods. Haven't you spent enough time out there already?

Also, I get it. He's stupid. YOU WIN. Literally everything except B.

[eyeforaneye]

The implication here is that I don't know English well enough to get by. I've doubled my efforts since last I demonstrated my skills to you.

The woods would be my choice. I'm not on trial here; I don't have to defend myself.

Pick an actual answer or the quiz can't continue. [ HEHEH ]

[mensrea]

Yeah? I'll have to test you then. Lemme hear you say "blood."

You're on trial. I'm the judge, whacking the gavel down and sentencing you to community service. One week of a vacation in a city with your pal Stiles. No appeals.

I can't pick one :(

[ Genuinely sitting here, struggling to choose. ]

D. :(

But it's really all of them.

Except B.

Never B.

1/2

[eyeforaneye]

That's a service to my community? How pitiable. I thought I already did enough for the downtrodden, but perhaps even I can do more.

The fact that he's a dumbass isn't a negative, but very well. We'll move on.

You just purchased a new home with a huge backyard. Your budget's unlimited! What do you do?

A. Plant a garden.
B. Install an outdoor bath.
C. Fill it with animals.
D. A new field for your favorite sport!
E. Death match arena.

2/2

[eyeforaneye]

[ A few seconds later, an audio message is sent to Stiles. The recording is short but sure enough the man on the other end of the line speaks with an almost unclockable American accent: ]

Blood, blood, blood.

[mensrea]

WOW. Here I am, trying to play nice, and you have to go and bring out the sass in full force. Unbelievable. Should’ve known you were trouble when you walked in.

[ Yikes, was that too flirty given what their recent conversation? Well, too late to take it back. It’s not like Sasuke will get the reference anyway.

While mulling over the next quiz question, he listens to the audio message. It shocks him to hear how well Sasuke has progressed since the last time they practiced the word. The pride he feels is misplaced; they both know Sasuke isn’t really his student and that the other teen teaches himself more than Stiles does, after all. But it’s there, nonetheless. ]

I guess I’ll give your attempts at “blood” a passing grade. Too bad my teacher has been slacking so hard recently. I should get a tutor.

[ The first person who comes to mind is Itachi, which has him snorting. Yeah, no. ]

Can I turn the outdoor bath into a pool instead? If my budget is unlimited, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to, right? Right. I pick B.

[eyeforaneye]

A passing grade? Woefully inadequate but I suppose jealousy takes on many different forms.

[ Wait for it. Just wait one long, agonizingly painful moment. ]

So shame on you now.

[ Is this too flirty, Stiles. Because right now Sasuke is just altogether pleased with himself for being able to pull out this trump card. The actual implications of the lyrics? Secondary to his knowledge of it and his ability to show it off, hilariously ill-fitting to his personality though it may be. ]

[mensrea]

[ His mid-typed response stares at him patiently while he in turn stares at the comm watch, so shocked that Sasuke knows the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song that he feels like his brain is dribbling out of his ears. What. The. Fuck.

Jonas. ]

You have no idea how hard I’m struggling not to venture down that INCREDIBLY fascinating avenue of Earth music with you right now. I want my damn quiz answer. We’ll come back to TSwift later.
Prepare yourself.

Anyway, B.

[ Except – ]

Hold on. This is for Aefenglom. I don’t want a pool in Aefenglom. I want a pool back home.

[ A pool he can never use because of the trichobothria? Useless. ]

A., I guess??? If I go C., god knows they’re just going to stampede me into a swift death and shit all over the place. D. is pointless when there are parks we can play lacrosse in. And unless E. means Robot Wars death matches between lil Roomba looking things, I’m so not interested. (Roombas are little robots that autonomously clean your floor using sensors to direct them where to go. They’re not sentient like Connor or Mettaton. People like to stick knives on them for fun.)