text; un: sasukeuchiha

[eyeforaneye]

Name: Sasuke Uchiha
Date: 07/09
Format: Text/Video

[ The video opens with a perfectly still, immaculately framed sepia shot of a storefront. The glass of the windows is smudged with dirt and dust that’s far less noticeable at the center but which appears borderline opaque around the outside edges, and with a flecked paint job on the wood siding it’s clear that this particular store isn’t wearing its age well.

Nevertheless the signage above the store appears newly updated, stark and clean in sharp contrast to the rest. ]

This is an advertisement for Daemonologie. [ There’s a pause as if even he doesn’t know how to quite handle the appearance of the business he somehow has to make appealing, at least managing to hold in a sigh. ] I’m fixing it.

Check the attached text in accordance with this video. [ Which is how the clip itself abruptly ends, though not before Sasuke turns the camera to the left and then to the right to make the shop’s location in the southwestern Shopping District more apparent to any who might be on the lookout. ]

The following is a statement prepared by my employer:

Daemonologie is an all-ages magical menagerie and emporium servicing both witches and monsters. Are you tired of sourcing your mystical beasts from the Wildes? Are you feeling overwhelmed trying to find the right breeder for your ideal familiar? Do you need the feather of an enchanted sparrow for your latest potion but don’t feel like buying the whole bird?

Then Daemonologie is the place for you. We not only provide quality companionship in the form of magical creatures aplenty but we also offer a variety of animal byproducts for any of your witching needs. Quills? Not a problem. Unfertilized and fertilized eggs? We have them. Scales both decorative and deadly? You know the answer! Stop on by today!

(Note: Vampires welcome! Ask about our animal blood specials (guaranteed to be high in magic)! Also don’t miss our weekly sale items: enchanted brushes for even the thickest fur, pewter cauldrons, and a humidifying enchantment to offer comfort and relief from a dry molt.)

As a bonus we’re offering a special promotion. Comment here if you would like to take a short quiz that will pair you with the familiar best suited to your personality type. You will then receive a 5% discount on the animal that you receive as your result. What a deal!

For the first question: what is your ideal vacation spot?

A. The city
B. The beach
C. Somewhere woodsy
D. The mountains
E. The desert

[ He did not expect for his second day on the job to require him to market his workplace to other Mirrorbound, but here he is. ]

Comments

un: keith

[marmoron]

why is 'outer space' not an option

[eyeforaneye]

Which animal would you like me to order to follow you into outer space, its native habitat?

[stopfen]

[Sasuke...Sasuke did you write up a thing they wanted him to say instead of saying. That's so much more effort.]

What do monsters get? They don't need familiars.

[eyeforaneye]

A pet.

Otherwise I suggest you take advantage of the other sales. They're updated weekly.

text, un: hiruma.

[slushfund]

Does it look like a shit-hole on the inside, too?

[eyeforaneye]

Yes, with more flora for the animals.

text, un: jonas.

[coherer]

Wow, ppl are really missing the point of this post.

C, definitely somewhere woodsy. I hope Eddie won't be too mad I'm cheating on him like this, but I am prepared to risk that for any and all hilarious quizzes.

[eyeforaneye]

Jonas, I'm confident in my ability to secure you a discount on other items as well. You don't actually need to go through with this.

Do you still want to proceed?

text; @onni

[scowlish]

[Well, this sounds ridiculous. But a resource for things related to magic might be useful.]

I don't go on vacations. But the best option would be C.

[eyeforaneye]

The question wasn't "do you go on vacations". Save that detail, it'll just be a distraction.

Which best describes your perfect Friday night?

A. Hanging with my close friends.
B. Party time! The bigger the better!
C. A quiet night in alone, please.
D. Cruising around town, waiting for inspiration to strike.
E. Spending a romantic evening with my true love.

text; un: sylphid

[sylphid]

d the mountains

[She doesn't need a pet but she's curious about the outcome.]

[eyeforaneye]

Which of the following best describes your aesthetic?

A. Sleek and chic.
B. Comfortable yet classy.
C. Loose and flowy.
D. Flashy and glamorous.
E. Understated and average.

[ Thank god, finally someone doing this properly. ]

un: jaeger

[usurpers]

[ he is really hungry with all this heat so— ]

E.

How sharp are the quills?

[eyeforaneye]

[ i feel you, brother ]

Eren. Hello. There's considerable variety in the quills; most are dull but some could easily pierce flesh with little pressure. They could also be sharpened.

Which is closest to your regular diet?

A. A nice green salad.
B. Grain-heavy foods such as oatmeal or bread.
C. The more meat, the better!
D. Yogurt with granola.
E. Nothing beats baked fish.

text | un: reddeer

[rightfoot]

How are said animals obtained, then? Are they treated ethically? Are they willing blood donors?

[ He's only like 50% messing with Sasuke... ]

Also, A.

[eyeforaneye]

Some are bred but I haven't asked about the origins of the others. I prefer to know as little as possible when it comes to things like this. As for the blood donations, they don't fight excessively.

[ Does that help or does that make this worse. ]

You go to a party. Where are you?

A. Up against the wall, too shy to talk to anyone.
B. Hanging out with a pet.
C. In the center of the action!
D. Staying close to my good friends.
E. Waiting outside to go home.

un: elliot

[fiddlestick]

d, the mountains!

I mean, assuming it's at a resort and not the kind of vacation where you hike.

[eyeforaneye]

The quiz is failing to specify. We'll assume it's as you want it.

Your crush said yes to a date with you. Where do you take them?

A. Out to an amazing dinner.
B. To see a play.
C. To the Wildes for some adventure!
D. To the harbor for a walk along the boardwalk.
E. Stargazing, of course!

text; perma private

[mensrea]

Hey, you finally got a steady job! Congrats, Sasuke.

I don’t care that I’m not a Witch, I wanna do the quiz too.

A.

[eyeforaneye]

Thank you.

[ It seems sincere, so he should be sincere in response, right? But... this stupid quiz... ]

A choice I don't understand, then.

Which of the following is your best quality?

A. My patience.
B. My super big brain.
C. My courageous spirit!
D. My loving nature.
E. All of me.

text; username: aragaki

[hoboagogo]

I might have to come in and check out one of those brushes

[both for the dog and for himself..... Tbh....

And their house doesnt NEED more pets but.... Hes curious....]

i guess I can just go to the woods here so on vacation lets say D

[eyeforaneye]

Commit to it and say you will. What's the use in "might"?

[ God...... ]

Your house is broken into. Oh no! What do you check first?

A. To make sure your money isn't gone.
B. To make sure you still have your photos of friends and family.
C. To make sure your art or manuscript or other creative project is safe.
D. Your children.
E. Your pets!

text; un: itachiuchiha

[anbu]

[A new location to stalk...]

C.

This type of employment doesn't seem well suited to you, Sasuke.

1/2

[eyeforaneye]

I agree with you.

voice; un: METTATON

[glitzandglamour]

Sasuke, darling! The part prepared by your employer is catchy! Everyone loves a fun quiz. What a fabulous engagement tactic!! The video portion... the enthusiasm... it could use a little work.

I'd definitely hire you if it were my business. Hahaha...

[He says, sincerely, thinking about how he'd be GREAT to be placed in a position where Mettaton could tease him for being a bad employee. Mettaton is a nightmare.]

Let's build some rapport, and see how you're "fixing" things. My answer is A, the city... for all that I'm not a Witch.

[eyeforaneye]

[ oh god

That voice is impossible to mistake for anyone else's and Sasuke actually allows his eyes to close as he breathes in deep. A customer... right, this is unavoidable. He too must switch to audio, and he must be unflappable. ]

Don't tell me I'm unimpressive and then say you'd hire me. [ Already he's failing. Mayday. ]

I'm professional enough to continue with the quiz regardless.

Your friends all forget your birthday. What do you do?

A. Purposefully "forget" theirs.
B. Move on with your life.
C. Let them know they've hurt your feelings.
D. Throw a party for yourself.
E. Enact horrible revenge.

text; un: sephiroth

[supersoldier]

[They had met once, in passing. This isn’t usually enough motivation to reply to… hardly anything on the network, really, but the username sparks a faintly more personal interest, now; a vague curiosity, though he’s not so impulsive — nor that overt — to say so.

So, for no reason other than he can—]

C.

[Though it took an embarrassing amount of time to actually decide on an answer. Vacation? Don’t know her.]

[eyeforaneye]

So it's you.

[ Three words that do little to illuminate how much he knows of Sephiroth's connection to his brother, ever placid and unreadable. ]

Very well, the popular choice.

Your dear friend is in need of your help, but you've already made plans for your day. What do you do?

A. Reschedule, because nothing is more important than my friends!
B. Keep your plans, your friend can ask someone else.
C. Ask if it's life or death.
D. Ditch both your plans and your friend to do something spontaneous.
E. Nap.

text; un: braveheart

[shadowsthedawn]

Option B.

How does knowing my preferred vacation spot help you pair me with a familiar?

[eyeforaneye]

It aids in determining which animal's habitat matches your desires. It doesn't need to be more complicated.

Now, your best friend has just embarrassed you in front of your other friends for seemingly no reason. What do you do?

A. Try to laugh along.
B. Run away to cry.
C. Call your friend out immediately.
D. Embarrass him in return!
E. Plot some long, drawn out, dramatic revenge.

un: dagwood

[blankpieces]

Do you pay for rare materials for your stock?

[eyeforaneye]

On an ad hoc basis. What are you trying to be rid of?

un: owl (I'm sorry I had responses for both...)

[devilyouknew]

How expensive are the familiars, exactly?

come to me

[eyeforaneye]

You'll need to be more specific. They vary considerably, from insects to greater lizards.

un: chazuke

[needsteaplz]

[A quiz sounds interesting enough. Of course she should actually talk to her housemates on getting a pet, but what the hell. ]

C - Somewhere woodsy!

[eyeforaneye]

[ Go with the plan fate holds, okay. ]

I didn't anticipate the popularity of that choice. Interesting.

You have a free evening. Finally! No rest for the wicked! What book do you curl up with?

A. A biography.
B. A murder mystery!
C. A young adult novel with a powerful message about being a strong woman.
D. An encyclopedia.
E. A dystopian action-adventure.

un: espresso_concerto

[amurder]

[He's curious... he already has familiars, but—]

A. The city.

I tend to relax the most within my element.

[eyeforaneye]

Ah. Finally. Someone else has come out of the woods.

[ GOD ]

What's your favorite kind of weather?

A. Sweater weather! Mm, that nice chill.
B. The more rain, the better.
C. Bright and sunny.
D. Cloudy and still.
E. Fog. A mysterious, heavy, looming fog.

un: lanceylance

[loverboi]

wow, i can't believe you're doing this LOL

but okay my answer is the beach
next question

[eyeforaneye]

Oh. It's you.

This will be over quickly if you choose to misbehave. You've been fairly warned.

Now, you're getting ready for a hot date. What gets the most of your attention?

A. Making my hair perfect.
B. Making sure my skin is clear and dewy.
C. Picking the perfect outfit that'll impress anyone.
D. Choosing a gift for my date on the way to pick them up.
E. Psyching myself up mentally. Confidence is sexy!

text; un: styx

[tothemetal]

oh
that place looks like its rly been thru the wringer huh ?
if u evr need some1 2 help lift stuff n clean lmk
:)

[two pairs of hands were better than one, right? and he'd intended to leave it at that, honestly. but...the allure of taking a quiz is just too much for Styx. maybe ten minutes later he makes another reply - this one mercifully more legible, as he's answering something 'officially' and is thus making a concerted effort with his typing. ugh, if only these things weren't as clunky in his big hands as the phones at home...]

D. The mountains
Never seen one before in person, they're probably real killer.

[eyeforaneye]

[ Oh. Someone that's actually... being helpful? Not immediately questioning the integrity of his quizmaster skills? Remarkable. Sasuke makes a special point of memorizing the username, just in case. ]

You have an unusual and unpleasant way of typing. [ Okay, Sasuke, rein it in. He takes a deep breath, wholly believing in the worth of his shitty opinions but realizing perhaps that they aren't currently what the main focus should be. ]

It's possible help may be required but that remains to be seen. As for mountains, you're right to hold that belief. They're impressive.

Now, your best friend is making you a scarf. You have to choose a color pattern. Which do you pick?

A. Red and black.
B. Green and yellow.
C. Orange and white.
D. Purple and grey.
E. Gold and even-more-gold-than-the-last-gold gold.

un: shirogane

[galrarm]

[ Huh. You know, it's been a long time since he did a personality quiz, but you know. No time like the present, right? So... ]

I don't mind the desert, but... I'll go with B.