text; un: sasukeuchiha

[eyeforaneye]

Name: Sasuke Uchiha
Date: 07/09
Format: Text/Video

[ The video opens with a perfectly still, immaculately framed sepia shot of a storefront. The glass of the windows is smudged with dirt and dust that’s far less noticeable at the center but which appears borderline opaque around the outside edges, and with a flecked paint job on the wood siding it’s clear that this particular store isn’t wearing its age well.

Nevertheless the signage above the store appears newly updated, stark and clean in sharp contrast to the rest. ]

This is an advertisement for Daemonologie. [ There’s a pause as if even he doesn’t know how to quite handle the appearance of the business he somehow has to make appealing, at least managing to hold in a sigh. ] I’m fixing it.

Check the attached text in accordance with this video. [ Which is how the clip itself abruptly ends, though not before Sasuke turns the camera to the left and then to the right to make the shop’s location in the southwestern Shopping District more apparent to any who might be on the lookout. ]

The following is a statement prepared by my employer:

Daemonologie is an all-ages magical menagerie and emporium servicing both witches and monsters. Are you tired of sourcing your mystical beasts from the Wildes? Are you feeling overwhelmed trying to find the right breeder for your ideal familiar? Do you need the feather of an enchanted sparrow for your latest potion but don’t feel like buying the whole bird?

Then Daemonologie is the place for you. We not only provide quality companionship in the form of magical creatures aplenty but we also offer a variety of animal byproducts for any of your witching needs. Quills? Not a problem. Unfertilized and fertilized eggs? We have them. Scales both decorative and deadly? You know the answer! Stop on by today!

(Note: Vampires welcome! Ask about our animal blood specials (guaranteed to be high in magic)! Also don’t miss our weekly sale items: enchanted brushes for even the thickest fur, pewter cauldrons, and a humidifying enchantment to offer comfort and relief from a dry molt.)

As a bonus we’re offering a special promotion. Comment here if you would like to take a short quiz that will pair you with the familiar best suited to your personality type. You will then receive a 5% discount on the animal that you receive as your result. What a deal!

For the first question: what is your ideal vacation spot?

A. The city
B. The beach
C. Somewhere woodsy
D. The mountains
E. The desert

[ He did not expect for his second day on the job to require him to market his workplace to other Mirrorbound, but here he is. ]

Comments

[slushfund]

You're terrible at marketing.

This is why you're merely a lackey and not the owner of the establishment, who seems just as equally bad but more inclined to cover that up with enthusiasm.

[eyeforaneye]

Fine.

Then you're a terrible customer. [ How dare you, you're a 0/10 on the economically exploitable scale. ]

[slushfund]

You're so right, you got me there. I'm raising both of my healthy hands in surrender.

What are your animal blood specials? I was told to ask by your vastly superior coworker.

[eyeforaneye]

Is the emphasis here your health or the fact that you have two?

Right now we're offering 10% off on a variety of fish blood. We also have 5% off on cat. All blood is drawn on site upon your order, to be consumed fresh.

[slushfund]

Both.

What would you say is the best fish blood? Have you tried them all yourself? If it's mackerel, or other such fish with high mercury content, will I be poisoned if I favour it and eat too much?

[eyeforaneye]

I see. Enjoy the first for now, then.

I haven't poisoned myself with enough fish blood to answer confidently. Of the fish blood that I've sampled, however, I prefer bonito.

[slushfund]

How convenient for you to forget who helped you out of a dangerous bind so soon. Instead, you've graduated to wishing bad health on me in front of all of your potential customers.

What is it you like about the bonito?

[eyeforaneye]

Don't overestimate my level of caring about the opinions of others. But since you've pointed it out, very well.

Live a long time. [ Suffer longer. ]

The bonito flavor.

[slushfund]

It's like I said, you're fucking terrible at marketing. Are you trying to scare all of the pussies away from your shop, first? Is that what your boss told you was wise to do?

Maybe I'll stop by soon to see what you have to offer in person.

(his appetite for blood isn't strong yet, but it soon will be. it's high time he got his affairs in order and prepare himself for the inevitable.)

[eyeforaneye]

I suppose then in spite of my lackluster social skills I've managed to secure at least one new customer.

Perhaps I'll get a raise.

Is there a type of blood you're searching for?

[slushfund]

I'm not exactly the metric you should be basing your everyday clientele on.

There are certain things I haven't figured out about the sort of Monster I am, but I'd imagine fresh blood is the only way to go. It's probably in my best interests to start sampling small portions now to get myself accustomed to it before I actually need to.

I wonder if phenotype A would taste the cleanest?

(he doesn't want to do this, but if he has to he'll be doing it on his own terms.)

[eyeforaneye]

Perhaps not. No other vampires have come to me expressing a need for blood or an interest in it.

[ He's purposefully missing the point... but Hiruma's seriousness on the topic makes him almost glad for the shift. ]

I haven't yet sampled human blood, but when it comes to animals I haven't tasted a significant difference in blood type. Species matters far more.

[slushfund]

You haven't?

(squints.)

What's the point of being a vampire, then? Is animal blood just as strong?

[eyeforaneye]

You believe there's a "point"? If there were I wouldn't base it in my limitations.

Animal blood will satisfy your needs as well if you consume a greater amount. What you need is magical content. The less magic, the less the blood will sate you.

Because of this, higher magical quantities in the blood you consume could become addictive for you.

[slushfund]

Do you think us being here's some sort of cosmic accident? Of course there's a point, even if the big reveal ends up being fucking stupid.

Wouldn't the middle ground in this case be feeding on other Monsters? Instead of chasing down Witches with high magical potential, maybe sucking on a willing harpy—for example—will help you fill your magic quota without capsizing the addiction boat.

Either way, I'll be pushing what a vampire can do to its limits.

[eyeforaneye]

We're talking about two separate things. No, our presence here isn't accidental. But will my purpose here be fulfilled by indulging in a vampire's strongest craving? No. I've already made that choice for myself.

I'm not interested in humanoid victims, monsters or witches. That limit will be yours to explore. What matters most is simply that you choose your source of blood before your need for it chooses for you.

[slushfund]

It's your funeral, literally, but I take your point. Guess it doesn't matter what sort of blood you drink, since we'll all die anyway. I'm just interested in how strong this body can get, because it's that and my mind that'll get me out of here.

How do you figure they determine what species of Monster we wind up as, anyway? Do you think it's a lotto, or very specifically hand-picked?

[eyeforaneye]

I don't believe it to be hand-chosen.

My reason for this is that an android was given gills when he became a Merrow. He already had no need for oxygen, and thus could exist in water without that kind of change. Surely another type of monster would be better-suited for him. Purposeful function doesn't appear to be at play.

1/2

[slushfund]

2/2

[slushfund]

That's fucking ridiculous.

[eyeforaneye]

I know, it's one of the most absurd things I've seen here.

[slushfund]

I'd expect at least some organized chaos to the whole thing, but if there's no sense to it then I commend the thing that brought us here for the colossal waste of potential.

Vampire doesn't suit me at all.

(narrator: it suited him very well.)

[eyeforaneye]

It seems logical enough to me that whatever brought us here expended its energy in that action and either didn't have the ability to assign our roles or didn't care to.

The world itself may have changed us as an automatic defense to make us natural to it. The rules of this place are unlike those of my home.

[slushfund]

I stand by what I said. It's still a waste of potential. An android would be far more useful as a Witch; they'd have entertainingly left-brained ways of casting magic.

I think I'd pay to see that, actually.

What's your home like?