aefenglom | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Name: un: errantry
Date: Feb. 11th
Format: Text

I honestly haven't been using this blasted watch as much as perhaps I should have. It just never seemed important.

But I have received some advice from someone and I suppose I am now putting it into practice, despite my trepidation.

My bonded left or vanished early last month. Or the month before; I can't quite remember. I managed the last full moon well enough, but I know from experience that it's just going to get worse or at least more difficult. And more to the point, I'm feeling horrendously lonely as of late.

So I'm looking for friends and companions, I suppose, with the potential to eventually form a bond. Not the most romantic thing I've ever done, but this place isn't all that romantic to begin with, is it?

Still not used to this whole "mortal" thing, though.

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That's not the same, is it?

[ She really needs to stop being so self-centered. ]

Yes, everyone's struggling, but almost everyone else is used to this sort of thing. And now I've been left to handle it all by myself!

Although you've stepped up and I am so very grateful for your company.

they might be used to the idea of dying one day, but they're unused to other stuff [ Asahi is the complete opposite - hesitant to make things all about herself unless she's already yelling about it and can't stop herself in an emotional fit.

But it does apply to her, even if she doesn't say as much in words. Monsters. Transforming. Magic. People getting tortured. She still doesn't feel used to any of it, even now. ]

if you really see yourself as a heroine, then pay attention to the people you're trying to be a hero for
or there's no point in being a hero at all

Being a hero is an end to itself.

[ Well, she thinks so, anyway. ]

Why else would you be one?

[ That idea is so completely opposite to the idea of heroes that Asahi has that she just stares at the words for a moment. Completely baffled. ]

what do you think being a hero is???

What do YOU think it is?

[ Two can play at this game. ]

a hero saves people of course

[ At least Asahi seems to have no problem answering that question. Maybe since she believes in it so strongly, despite heroes just being a thing from stories. ]

that's practically the most important thing about them

Being a hero is being the center of the story, of course. That's what happens to them in all of the tales - they save everyone, they have a romance, and they ride off... happily ever after.

That's a hero.

i'm not sure if you got the right takeaway from reading a few too many hero stories

I was created from stories and dreams; that's how it is.

[ That is.. a really strange concept. One Asahi doesn't want to linger on for too long, since she can feel a headache coming on from just trying to think about it to herself right now.. ]

have you ever tried asking other people around here what they think a hero is??

No, never.

[ It honestly never occurred to her. ]

Why?

maybe you've never thought about it this way if you were really.. created from hero stories

[ Look, the periods are there because it's weird, okay. Asahi is trying really hard to keep up with that line of thought. ]

but a hero usually just isn't a hero because they are
it's because people view them as one
so if you're only following your own idea of what a hero is, then you might end up not being one at all if it's too far off from other people's ideas

But why should I let what other people's idea of what a hero is impact me? Isn't it better to stride the world with surety in your heart?

but then what if everyone started eventually viewing you as a villain instead of the hero?
wouldn't that bother you?

But they'd be wrong.

i seriously don't get how you can be THAT level of selfcentered

[ It's part snark, but also genuine, because.. what even, Iramaat. Asahi herself is so insecure and concerned with other people's opinions that this kind of behaviour is totally alien to her. ]

There's nothing self-centered about believing in yourself!

there's definitely something more than just a little self-centered about wanting to be a hero for your own sake rather than other people's though!!!

It all turns out the same, doesn't it?

no!!!
that's exactly what i'm trying to tell you!!!

even beyond the whole hero thing
if you're looking for friends or even someone to form a bond with you need to think about them too!!

Well, if I wasn't thinking about them I wouldn't be interested...

Nel and I got along just fine! Then she had to go and vanish on me.

Look, why don't we have tea or something? It'd be better than this faceless back and forth, wouldn't it?

[ But at least the faceless back and forth gives her the opportunity to not show anyone her being a flustered mess... ]

do we really have to

[ And yet that's not a downright 'no', now is it. ]

I wouldn't want to make you do anything.

It's just that you're probably one of my only friends here.

[ oh boy. ]

[ Oh boy.

There's literally nothing else Iramaat could have said to make Asahi more instantly agree, no matter how reluctant she feels. ]

okay
sure
right now?

Oh, it doesn't need to be now. When ever you're available!