aefenglom | text;

Entry tags:

text;

Name: Diarmuid Ua Duibhne
Date: 6/20
Format: text

[This is such a sensitive issue that Diarmuid's gone to the trouble of changing his user name from "Lancer" to the less conspicuous but creatively bankrupt "Question". Whether or not he's still identifiable through some other means is a mystery to him but he's willing to take that chance to find the answers to something that's begun to weigh on his mind as of late.]

Is Bonding with someone without your other Bonded partner or partners knowing the equivalent of being unfaithful? I understand that it can be separate from a romantic relationship but it's just as emotionally involved, is it not?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. I suppose Bonding with people we aren't romantically involved with will also make it difficult to become romantic with someone. I've only experienced Bonds briefly myself but there is no hiding from the other person.

[And now Justine is rethinking this whole Bond thing again.]

I hadn't considered that aspect of it either. The locals are probably accustomed to it but, personally speaking, I'm not sure how easy it would be to adapt.

I consider myself open minded but it does sound uncomfortable.

But if that is how it is here, we need to accept it for what it is.

I suppose so. Logically, it's a necessity that we all need to deal with but it raises the question of just how much is shared through a Bond.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not looking for ways to be dishonest.

I think it depends on the people. I've been told that you can control what flows through a Bond but doing that feels like it's counter to the point.

It's fine if you are. We all have our secrets and some things are just hard to share.

I think the answer to that question depends on the vows you agreed on when you got Bonded, doesn't it? If you and your partners agree that each of you doesn't have to tell the others if they have another partner when you get Bonded, then I suppose it wouldn't be considered unfaithful, since you all agreed on the possibility of others from the start.

Other people might see it differently, though -- including the other person you Bond with. But I could see a situation where someone might not really consider it any of their business who else someone might be Bonded to.

Edited ( ) 2019-06-20 15:49 (UTC)

In all likelihood, that's how it works in theory but

This is lot more complex than I thought it would be, emotionally speaking.

Emotions usually are. But that’s why it’s better to talk to people when you can, so there’s a smaller chance of misunderstanding each other.

If you don’t mind me asking, who are you worried about being in this situation?

It's meant as more of a general question, really, but I have as much of a personal stake in it as anyone else here.

[translation: i have hang ups]

I don't think there can be a general answer to it, really ... but if you look at it purely from the perspective of the likely outcome, how well could a Bond be hidden from another in the first place? What would be the likely effect on the existing Bond? Or how might a person who's been tricked into Bonding feel if they found out they were lied to about the other person not having a partner?

From what I understand, Bonds aren't just formed and set in place. They're affected by the emotions and desires of the people in them. A Bond that was formed on a shaky foundation ... would it last in the first place?

Edited ( ) 2019-06-21 16:14 (UTC)

If you asked me before Bonding, I would have said no.

After the temporary Bonds however...

Perhaps that is something that should be covered between your Bond partner prior to it happening?

Also-I'd ask for the reason for Bonding to that other person. If you're doing it due to being pressured into the idea that they need you well-that's not completely accurate.

Perhaps I should have simply said: above all else, respect yourself.

The temporary Bonds... I'd forgotten about those. What was it about them that changed your mind?

I thought it would be like a tether, where magic simply flowed from one person to the other.

But it was more intimate. More...like a red string of fate.

I think it depends on why you Bonded?
If you're treating it like a sign of a relationship, then yeah I'd say so.

But if it's just for pragmatic reasons, I don't really think so.

Though is there a reason you wouldn't tell someone in the first place...?

a bond is predicated upon trust — and as many of us are scarcely acquainted, that trust may be quite tenuous. unfaithful is not the term i would employ, but deliberately maintaining such a secret would certainly be foolish. what reason might there be?

Trust born from need can be as strong as that born from experience.

But once secrecy comes into it, there seems to me no other word for it but disloyalty. Actively hiding your association with one person from another is cowardly and disrespectful to both parties, magic or not.

nor do i disagree.

[ with...the second part...but debating the definitions of loyalty and faithfulness and the extent to which a bond is like romance won't do any good (and might, in fact, be a bad idea). ]

i merely wondered what prompted you to ask. have you encountered this?

I hadn't really thought of that being a thing I'd even have to worry about. But now that you mention it, that definitely feels like something you all need to discuss.

[ Unless... he'd already done it. Hoo boy, how awkward. ]

[ If you ask him, this is all the more reason not to enter into a Bond with anyone. It sounds incredibly... messy? But since that’s not the question...

Hey, he knows a lot about unfaithfulness. He doesn’t really want to invite certain questions since he’s not bothering to hide his identity. He’s just going to bring up something else that no one else seems to have brought up yet. ]

I think it is fair to say that few would want to be bound in such a manner to an individual who impulsively involves someone else in their affairs like this— for many reasons. As I understand it, Bonds affect each other. The new Bond will have some influence on the first, by sheer virtue of them sharing a partner, both magically and personally.

Forming another Bond while you are already Bonded to someone else and without at least warning them might not be tantamount to infidelity in every case, but if nothing else, it is certainly foolish and disrespectful.

[And there it is. Diarmuid's heart sinks- and then he presses on, trying to approach the subject from a more objective standpoint.

It's not fun.]

More or less, that's how I feel. But I'm also starting to wonder whether it isn't so simple.

There are many reasons why someone might want or need to form a Bond without letting their other partner know first but the real question is would any of them truly justify it? They're a matter of necessity to survive here.

[ Arthur pauses before answering, mulling "Question"'s words over carefully. He too can think of some reasons why one might want the truth of their Bonds to be kept secret, but all the ends that he can think of don't justify the means. Moreover, the way Question phrases their question, it sounds as though they've already had real-world experience with this situation. Might it already be too late to be wondering about all this now? ]

I don't think anyone is calling it a simple matter. Certainly, relationships between people are complex, but I would advise an individual in such a situation to ask themselves: "if I feel I must hide a new Bond to the one I am already Bonded to, should I really be maintaining both at the same time?" It is a betrayal of trust, after all, regardless of the reasons. I'm liable to judge one who deceives others in such a manner as undeserving of a very personal Bond with anyone.

It depends as much on the reasons as well as circumstances behind each. Right here with Bonds being the only possibility to avoid the disaster it's not as simple.

Trust isn't only about honesty, it's also trusting your partner (or partners) to make the right decision while faced with a tough choice. If there's an earlier oath, loyalty, or any kind of obligation that you still carry and that may affect your decision, and no time left, no one should expect you to forfeit either your past or what ties you have with others.

[wow you actually made him feel a little better about his terrible life choices archer that must be the first time you've ever done that for anyone]

Well spoken. There's value in the individual decisions we make too and being trusted to make them is as vital a component of a relationship as any other. I want to hope that my partner would have the same faith in mine as I would theirs but the reality has so much potential for hurt.

You seem a pragmatic sort.

[Look, Archer is right there in terrible life choices club.]

I am. You can't make any decisions when you're dead.

If I was to ever Bond with anyone I wouldn't expect them to base every single one of their decisions on my judgement. It goes both ways - I would expect the same from them. There's always a risk of disagreement and sometimes it's inevitable, then it's up to you to consciously make your next steps.

[ ooc: plz ignore lack of coding, mobile tags... this is def text ]

No more "Lancer", hmm? [ Now he wonders if he is the stupidly stubborn one ] You raise a good question. Wouldn't it all depend on how the hypothetical Bond is arranged?

If the two agree on exclusivity then that's the way. If they're fine with their Bonded bonding to another then that road us open. No need to make it more complicated.

[he's just going to ignore that first comment caster]

Just looking at the replies here, everyone has a different concept of what Bonding means to them. I'm even less sure where I stand than before, to be honest with you.

[ How rude... but no, really, he is actually curious how everyone is so keen on dropping all the old habits, and just using their True Names. It's tempting to follow the path, but his name would out two people, not just him.

Alas move along citizen, there are other issues to speak of— while initially it could be seen as a hypothetical question, Diarmuid response suggests he has a personal stake in these musings... ]

You'd probably even got more different responses if you talked with natives. It seems to be a quite personal and intimate thing, and thus the arrangements are going to be as different as people in them. But if you ever decide to Bond, does it matter how others see or think of it? Trust your gut feeling. How you and the other person see it is the most important here.

YES IT IS UNFAITHFUL

Dunno if I'd go that far, but it's probably best to give everyone a head's up. Why not, right?

I mean, what if your first partner hated your second, but ya didn't know till ya did the deed? It'd be awkward as hell.

Ha... awkward's one word for it. It would be hard enough to cover up a relationship with someone without the issue of empathetic bonds to contend with.

I think I'd be even more insulted to find out unconsciously.

Personally, what bothers me is the idea of someone else in my head in the first place. I know, it ain't telepathy, but someone else's mood can seep into yours, right?

That's one thing if ya trust your partner. But then if there's someone I don't even know in there sloughing off their psychic problems...

[ ugh ]

Ripple effects, ya know?

The fact that you've kept this other partner a secret suggests guilt regardless, does it not?

If so, I'd say you've answered your own question.

I've done nothing- but thinking about it is making me doubt myself.

Frankly, I feel like a scoundrel for even asking this question.

It seems you've given this more thought than you let on.

Do not forget. Here, "Bonded" means something differently entirely. Ultimately you'll all benefit from being together.

Although I suppose such reasoning won't be easy to explain.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

text;

Text

text

text

no subject

no subject

text; un: katsuragi

text

no subject

no subject

no subject

text

text

text

Text;

text

text

no subject

no subject

voice;

text

voice;

text; Archer

text

no subject

un: Caster; text

text

no subject

text

text; un: kyouken

text

no subject

text; thats rough buddy

text

no subject