aefenglom | un: anonymous;

Entry tags:

un: anonymous;

Name: "anonymous" (Hiccup Haddock III)
Date: Feb. 2
Format: Text

some things recently came up and it has me thinking a lot. i'm not sure who else to ask this? the person i'd normally talk to is... part of it.

is it possible to have romantic feelings for more than one person at the same time? does that make you a bad person? i never had to consider it before because i thought everything would be simple, for me at least, but now it isn't so simple and i'm not

sure what to do

i don't want to hurt them

[ooc: Hiccup is posting anonymously but as this function isn't always reliable, let me know if you want him to anonfail! He's having some relationship troubles whoops.]

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[Hiccup offers him a dry smile and an even drier comment as Tony approaches. He's trying his best to not look too... pathetic. Anxious. At least he was right about who 'stark' is, he'd be mortified and run the other way otherwise. If he had to reveal himself, he's glad it's to a familiar face.] What- what gave it away?

Well, you kind of do this thing with your face... [That thing being looking uncomfortable, but he's trying to lighten the mood a little bit.]

Actually, you were the only one around that looked like they were here to meet someone. I just guessed. What happened?

[Tony starts to subtly lead Hiccup inside. He plans to make good on his word for that milkshake.]

Ha ha. [He responds to discomfort with dry sarcasm. It's a defense mechanism. Don't mind him.

It was a fair guess, though. They're the only two Mirrorbound in the shop right now. It's highly unlikely that a native would have been posting for love advice. He follows Tony in, shoulders a little slumped, Sharpshot's tail swaying back and forth against his chest.] A lot of things? It's- I really debated showing my face to anyone. This is- embarrassing.

It's, uh, about my Bonded.

[The answer might be sarcastic, but it at least gives Hiccup the chance to be sarcastic. Tony has found that people are more comfortable when they have something to react to. Giving Hiccup an easy target at least keeps him from freezing up in the face of whatever is bothering him.

Which turns out to be pretty awkward, actually. Oh.]

Did something happen? I mean, you said you like them. Isn't that a good thing?

[He does kind of see where this is headed, but he wants to let Hiccup put it in his own words. Meanwhile, he leads them toward the service counter.]

[Hiccup cringes and scratches the side of his head awkwardly at the question, letting Tony lead them up to the counter.] I also like the girl I'm engaged to back home. Who isn't here. I'm-

Things are a little complicated right now and I guess I might be a terrible person. [A couple of responses on that post have said as much, and he's trying not to internalize it. It's all just a lot to work through.] I didn't exactly find out that Newt likes me in the best way either.

[Tony decides that getting Hiccup a milkshake and sitting him down is the first priority before he answers that. It's a lot, and Hiccup clearly needs some understanding. So he orders him a milkshake and gets them sitting down somewhere quiet before he pats his arm.]

You're not a bad person. Trust me. It's complicated, but a lot of things are actually complicated--Doesn't make them bad. I mean, it's not nearly as messy as dating a supervillain that maybe wants to kill you. Or- or breaking up with someone because you can't get your life straightened out and you think it might be hurting them, and you don't want them to actually get hurt, so you end up hurting them...

You have time to work it out is what I mean.

[Hiccup settles down in a chair after Tony gets them a table and milkshakes. He takes a few sips but mostly just kind of twirls the straw around in the glass thoughtfully or anxiously or whatever he's feeling right then.

He smiles wryly down at his glass as Tony rambles though.] Sounds like you're speaking from experience. You- why did you date a supervillain that wants to kill you?

[Tony's return expression twists into something equally wry. Yup, totally from experience there.]

I didn't really know at the time. And even if I had, I mean, you like who you like, you know? We can't always control that. Sometimes we end up liking people and the situation isn't perfect, but we can't just stop liking them.

[Tony is the type that just works through his thoughts out loud, but he does generally have a solid grasp on his beliefs.]

Anyway, that isn't the point I'm trying to make. I'm saying that even though things are complicated, it doesn't make you a bad person. It's just... life is more complicated than that. I used to think--I used to dream of getting married. I thought I'd just meet that one person, fall in love, and that would be it. Bam. Just like that. But then I fell in love and it wasn't that easy. And I fell in love again. And- well, things get weird. There's no way around it. But that isn't your fault.

'Wanting to kill you' is- is kind of a little more serious than an imperfect situation. [But it sounds like Tony's lived a much more interesting life than Hiccup has, at least as far as relationships go. He feels inexperienced in comparison.]

I- I did too, you know. I figured that'd be my life. Fall in love, marry her eventually, and that's that. I never really planned to have those feelings for anyone else. [He leans back in his chair a little, frowning.] I never planned to spend months in another world learning how to use magic, though, either.

I just wish I knew what to do.

Okay, that's fair. [Tony's world is one of extremes. Liking an enemy is probably not the best example and he has to remember that. He tilts his head up to the ceiling.]

You just don't always have that ideal storybook romance. You have to make it happen.

[Maybe he needs to switch metaphors.]

Okay, so, different story. When I was first starting out my career--my newer one--I had already been working the family business for years. It was what I knew. I was good at it. And, frankly, I did enjoy it. But then I found something else, making something else, and I thought this is it. I love this. I need this.

And it wasn't easy. I tried to quit my first job; tried to quit the second, because I always felt like I was cheating on one or the other. I had people depending on me in both situations and it was demanding.

[He looks at Hiccup seriously, which is almost funny with Tony. And even with that sincere look, he still has a half-grin.]

But I couldn't quit either. I love them. And it's messy and sometimes it gets weird. So I take it one day at a time. If you get the chance, talk it out. I know it's not a clean blueprint, but sometimes you have to make stuff up as you go along and tweak it when it crashes. We aren't perfect. Sometimes we don't know what to do.

It's a little different- jobs, versus... versus, people. Partners. But- [He blows out a breath, finger drawing idle patterns on the table.] But you're saying, they both had a place in your life? One couldn't replace the other. [That definitely sounds familiar right there. It isn't that Newt is a replacement for Astrid meant to fill the hole in his chest that misses her. That hole will never be filled until he goes back home. Newt... he fills a different hole, slots into Hiccup's heart like he belongs there.

He offers a tentative smile, really taking in what he has to say. It's reassuring, that he doesn't have to have all the answers. That no one would.] Yeah? So... I talk to him, because that's all I can do right now, and see where things go?

[Tony gives Hiccup a wry little half-smile that looks playfully doubtful when the viking tells him that commitments to jobs and people aren't the same thing. You've never dated Iron Man is right on his lips, waiting to come out, but he manages not to make that remark. It would involve far more complicated explanations that really won't help Hiccup right now.]

What I'm saying is that just because you like one new thing--person or otherwise--doesn't mean you stop liking everything you had before you met them. And, yeah, you're right, not every situation is going to be the same.

[And life has only ever gotten more complicated in his experience.]

But talking is the first step, right? At least you two can work on it together.

I mean, I- I know that, none of this has changed how I feel about Astrid in any way, but... [He breathes out, frowning down into his milkshake, which is idly melting in the glass.] You- Do you think he'll see how much I care about him, too? Even despite that? [Maybe that's what he's afraid of. That Newt won't want to be with him if he's not the only one in Hiccup's heart.

Not that he'd blame him for that. He deserves someone who will give him everything.] I'm just scared it won't fix things. I- I don't want things to be the way they are now for the rest of our time here. He's been avoiding me since that first conversation, and we've barely spoken, and I can't just- can't keep going on like this. Neither of us can.

Maybe that person was right. I am a coward. I should just- just talk to him.

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