aefenglom | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Name: un: errantry
Date: Feb. 11th
Format: Text

I honestly haven't been using this blasted watch as much as perhaps I should have. It just never seemed important.

But I have received some advice from someone and I suppose I am now putting it into practice, despite my trepidation.

My bonded left or vanished early last month. Or the month before; I can't quite remember. I managed the last full moon well enough, but I know from experience that it's just going to get worse or at least more difficult. And more to the point, I'm feeling horrendously lonely as of late.

So I'm looking for friends and companions, I suppose, with the potential to eventually form a bond. Not the most romantic thing I've ever done, but this place isn't all that romantic to begin with, is it?

Still not used to this whole "mortal" thing, though.

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screw being a heroine!!
this place messes with all of us
who we are back home or what we do back there doesn't really matter here
what's important is just focusing on ourselves and making sure we're okay so we can go home safe in the end
it's not like this world cares for us anyway

Asahi, you really are a marvel.

It's in my nature; my very being. If I stopped, what would I be? Nothing. That's the sad truth of it.

that's not true
there's no way people can only be one thing

[ Usually this kind of spiel would be way too idealistic. It sounds like something her super positive and cute best friend might have told her back home - not something Asahi herself would say.

But dangit, if there's no Koyuki around, then she's got to pick up the slack and be the Koyuki in this situation. ]

people change all the time that's only natural
i mean my nature is being a human being i feel like and yet here i am walking around with huge wings and feathers
even if you stop being a heroine you can just be a new you

[ Iramaat has had a very similar conversation before. She sasid she'd try, but for a creature who has spent her whole existence being one thing and one thing only, it is hard to break old habits and modes of thought. ]

I was created to be what I am. It's what I was formed to be. How can a human understand that? You are such short-lived, flickering creatures, moving from one flower to another like a mayfly.

And now I am one of those mayflies. It's not easy.

[ She's feeling sorry for herself again. ]

or maybe i CAN understand since i'm stuck in this dumb place without the one thing that literally defined my entire life and my personality and my worries and my relationships with other people you big dumb idiot!!!
we're ALL having a hard time
we're all trying to adjust!!!
it doesn't matter whether you're human or whatever you might have been back home

It's different.

[ she's being stubborn. And mopey. ]

You always knew you were going to die! Do you know how often I've had to stare at the ceiling and contemplate that over the last few months?

why wouldn't you die

[ Is Iramaat a god or something where she comes from? Asahi feels kind of sorry for the people who'd have to deal with that.. ]

Fae do not die or age. We're eternal.

[ Or close enough to it, anyway. ]

fae???
you mean the same kind as some people in this place are turning into??

Different. Sort of similar in some respects? But very different.

well
even then you're not the only one
i heard from people before who are witches here but had their own magic back home but can't use that anymore either
do you think they're all just clinging to the past too??
everyone is trying to make this work

That's not the same, is it?

[ She really needs to stop being so self-centered. ]

Yes, everyone's struggling, but almost everyone else is used to this sort of thing. And now I've been left to handle it all by myself!

Although you've stepped up and I am so very grateful for your company.

they might be used to the idea of dying one day, but they're unused to other stuff [ Asahi is the complete opposite - hesitant to make things all about herself unless she's already yelling about it and can't stop herself in an emotional fit.

But it does apply to her, even if she doesn't say as much in words. Monsters. Transforming. Magic. People getting tortured. She still doesn't feel used to any of it, even now. ]

if you really see yourself as a heroine, then pay attention to the people you're trying to be a hero for
or there's no point in being a hero at all

Being a hero is an end to itself.

[ Well, she thinks so, anyway. ]

Why else would you be one?

[ That idea is so completely opposite to the idea of heroes that Asahi has that she just stares at the words for a moment. Completely baffled. ]

what do you think being a hero is???

What do YOU think it is?

[ Two can play at this game. ]

a hero saves people of course

[ At least Asahi seems to have no problem answering that question. Maybe since she believes in it so strongly, despite heroes just being a thing from stories. ]

that's practically the most important thing about them

Being a hero is being the center of the story, of course. That's what happens to them in all of the tales - they save everyone, they have a romance, and they ride off... happily ever after.

That's a hero.

i'm not sure if you got the right takeaway from reading a few too many hero stories

I was created from stories and dreams; that's how it is.

[ That is.. a really strange concept. One Asahi doesn't want to linger on for too long, since she can feel a headache coming on from just trying to think about it to herself right now.. ]

have you ever tried asking other people around here what they think a hero is??

No, never.

[ It honestly never occurred to her. ]

Why?

maybe you've never thought about it this way if you were really.. created from hero stories

[ Look, the periods are there because it's weird, okay. Asahi is trying really hard to keep up with that line of thought. ]

but a hero usually just isn't a hero because they are
it's because people view them as one
so if you're only following your own idea of what a hero is, then you might end up not being one at all if it's too far off from other people's ideas

But why should I let what other people's idea of what a hero is impact me? Isn't it better to stride the world with surety in your heart?

but then what if everyone started eventually viewing you as a villain instead of the hero?
wouldn't that bother you?