text | un: hca

[manlet]

Man becomes monster: what a common theme throughout human literature. Yet in this world, it's an aspect of life that's hardly worth batting an eye at. Were Shakespeare here, he'd cream himself over the ripe psychological suffering among the Mirrorbound. Him, or certain nuns...

[bro what the FUCK are you talking about]

Thinking about those two in cahoots gives me an ulcer. I feel like vigorously scrubbing my brain smooth, so I can't picture it! Maybe that way, I won't be beset by stupid thoughts!

But I am, unfortunately, sentient, and I will continue to suffer this farce of an existence. As if that wasn't enough, I've been plagued by a question for the past few days. Witches, I'm not talking to you. You can gawk and stare if you'd like, I certainly can't stop you from being voyeurs.

Monsters. What are your feelings towards being pet? Is there truly a polite way to ask for a petting?

Comments

un: hakunon | text

[sealeted]

...

[He's brought this upon himself. This is no longer a snide, personal aside. It's a shared reference, and she's about to make it even worse.]

Imagine a Faun Kiara, though.

text

[manlet]

[bro]

Don't invoke that woman's name.

Text - un: kingmaker

[kuroi_taiyo]

Andy, have you been trying to figure out a way to say you want to touch my tail.

Guess you're Handyrsen now. Really, I always could tell you were repressed.

[manlet]

1. I don't like faun tails. Those don't appeal to my tastes. Come back to me when you actually have a tail worth inspecting, your charm point can't even be considered a point. It's a messy dash.

2. Why the hell has everyone been calling me that?

un: lanceylance

[loverboi]

dude...how did you go from shakespeare creaming himself to asking for a petting

[ ....he's reading that sentence again and now lance has many regrets. ]

nvm don't answer that

[manlet]

I'm not the one asking for a petting.

[THATS NOT HELPFUL ANDERSEN]

text;

[selfishwish]

I think you're usually only supposed to ask if you're already friends like that? U( ÒㅅÓ)U

[Momiji's definition of "friends like that" is "virtually all friends," but it's possible he should have been clearer here.]

But after that just saying "please" is okay, probably!! Getting petted on can be really nice.

[manlet]

[This is an intriguing response.]

It isn't the least bit odd to you?

un: saber; text

[arturiarex]

Mr. Andersen,

Do not.

-Saber 🦁

[manlet]

Oh? What's this?

[OWO?]

You've added a cute lion to your signature. Who knew you could be so adorable, Your Highness?

un; nocturne

[synchroswim]

dude monster or no if someone wants to pet me im all for it
its kinda|

its nice. comforting if you wanna get deep i guess but i dunno how you go around asking people to do it

[manlet]

Gauging by some of the responses, you've come to the right place to look for a... 'supplier,' I guess. There's plenty of people who also share your desire to be pet.

[this is SUCH a weird thing to type. even for andersen.]

text ; un: reddeer

[rightfoot]

Who's Shakespeare?

[ stopped reading right there -- ]

[manlet]

[bro???????]

A raunchy, air-headed, no-good, lazy layabout who happens to be one of humanity's greatest authors. He has no scruples, dedicates himself solely to the pursuit of authorial pleasure, and is ultimately the epitome of a useless, troublesome man.

We're collaborators.

[Something he is quite proud of, despite all the negatives he's rattled off.]

voice; un: berserker

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ He's just...going to ignore the rest of that post and focus only on the actual question. ]

I only accept that kind of affection from my Bonded and those closest to me. Otherwise, I'm not interested in being petted. It feels demeaning to be treated that way, especially in my smaller form...If I'm interested in being petted, I will seek it out as I see fit. Politeness doesn't matter to me.

[ He's very pushy when he's transformed. ]

voice | un: hca

[manlet]

[He switches to voice, because it's easier to match.]

Smaller form?

un: super nintendo

[guesser]

those are some screwed up nuns 😂 i for one, would vote for a summoning circle just for shakeyspear

[manlet]

Why? To see him jerk off? What's wrong with you?

un: ma text

[stopfen]

What kind of question is that?

[Normally she'd ignore the weird bs, but what???]

[manlet]

What kind of answer is that? If you're not going to contribute, move along.

un: hector | text

[petcromancer]

[Hector is...just going to skip over all of the stuff that doesn't make sense to him and focus on the question at the end of this post.]

I wouldn't abide it from a stranger, but from people I know, it is pleasant.

[He is massively understating his petplay kink, shhhhh]

usually it isn't something I ask for. it's easier to solicit through body language, weird as that sounds.

[manlet]

[He's so grateful to the people answering this in earnest.]

I think I understand. Could you give some examples of body language?

text;

[integrous]

[ Andersen. Why. ]

who are you going around petting?

text

[manlet]

Why is everyone assuming I want to pet someone? I'm BORED. I want a DISCUSSION.

text - un: CoolSkeleton95

[spaghettimonster]

OH MY GOD. I LOVE BEING PET. SCRATCH BEHIND MY EAR, AND MY LEG JUST MOVES BY ITSELF.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S POLITE... BUT I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING THE LEAD OF DOGS I KNEW BEFORE. TELLING PEOPLE THAT I LOVE BEING PET. AND JUST... LOITERING AROUND.

[It's a casual normal thing to do, petting monster dogs, right? Nobody made a big fuss about it in Snowdin but the dogs. And now he knows what the fuss was about.]

OH. AND. YOUR WORLD HAS A SHAKESPEARE TOO??

text

[manlet]

[This is the most enthusiastic response he has ever recei-- wait isn't this the guy who was asking about the rat catcher position from way back?? There's no way he'd forget such a 90's username.]

Shakespeare's a nutjob. More importantly, people aren't afraid to pet you? Aren't you a skeleton?

un: connor

[plasticasshole]

I've never been asked... probably because I'm a fish. But if someone did ask me, I suppose I'd let them do it, just to see if I liked it.

[And if he didn't like it, then he could decline in the future. But he doesn't think many people will think to ask him, because he doesn't have fur.]

[manlet]

Being a fish is only part of the story. Which one would you be more inclined to pet: a four-legged, furred creature, or a creature who's essentially human save for their fins and gills?

You see? It's the uncanny valley effect. That, and scales are... an acquired taste, I suppose.

text

[extirpator]

I don’t understand what you’re saying but I see a question here...

I think you should just ask. No harm in that.

[manlet]

It's HOW to ask that I'm concerned with. I don't want to come off as some mouth-breathing shut-in with a fetish, do you understand?

un: Alex | text

[sing_for_me]

[ Alex doesn't really get the other parts in Andersen's message, but..]

If it's someone I know I think I'd be okay with it? I guess just asking might be polite enough if that person is someone you know. I'd say just ask but is there a chance whoever you want to pet might see this? Might make it a bit awkward.

[manlet]

[... oh.]

He doesn't check the network. Thinks himself above all the buffoonery that happens among the Mirrorbound.

un: juzahyodo

[sneaksweet]

Why are you talking about Shakespeare like that? Do you know him...?

Nobody's tried petting me yet, so I don't know. I'm not completely against it.